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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: A few years back I had a relationship with an ex teacher of mine, which eventually we called off. we still talk to each other at least twice a week, and sometimes meet up. Anyway, today he visited me, and one thing led to another, and we had sex. Only after we had sex did I find out he now has a girlfriend (he thought I knew). So then he tells me he wants me back, he wants to leave her and make another go of it with me. So now I feel absolutely awful. I'd go back out with him in a flash - I've always loved him, even when we split. However, I wanted opinions on what this is going to look like to people if he goes straight back out with me after leaving her. Also, the fact that he's my ex teacher further complicates things, as a lot of people weren't very impressed the first time we went public. I doubt they will be again. I really want some help on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for the answers so far. I suppose I ought to make things a bit clearer.
I was in a very serious relationship with him for a couple of years, until, against my better judgement, I ended the relationship. I don't even really know why I ended it, but I've regretted it ever since. We've been friends ever since.
It turns out he is leaving his girlfrind anyway - apparently it just hasn't worked out, and they've only been together for a couple of weeks. Not that that excuses anything. I know how bad it looks, him cheating on her with me, but I know him, and it's not something he'd do normally.
He says he loves me, and I believe him. He's continually said that all through the time we've been apart. Gah, it's so difficult. Thankyou for your posts though, I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 if i was your friend, i would understand that you want to be with him and that you made a mistake having sex with him. i would understand that the feelings between the two of you run deep. i would also understand that he a scumbag for cheating and the fact that he wants to jump straight from one girl to another does not bode well and you can probably do better. i would probably warn you off. if you want to be with him, tell him to break up with his girlfriend first, do it gradually, and THEN see. guys who jump girl to girl really are no good.
if i barely knew you, i would think you were a terrible person. i hate to say it, but teachers and students in general should not mix unless they have a serious relationship. even then it is iffy... and the fact that the two of you are bouncing back and forth not deciding how you feel about each other and others doesn't look good. i would also probably think of you as a bitch and homewrecker since you did help him cheat on his girlfriend [even though you didn't know... people might not believe that]. it is a double standard, but that's life. some people know you, some people judge you.
follow your heart and don't care what other people say. if you do care, maybe he isn't worth it in your mind?
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): If he is going to leave her, why is he waiting on an answer from you before he does? If their relationship is really over he shouldn't need to wait for the tick of approval from you. That is a very weak trait.
Why are you so concerned with what it looks like to an outsider? I would be more concerned with that fact that he is not man enough to break up with his girlfriend without the prospect of jumping straight into something else.
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A
female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Okay my honest answer to this question is if it were me I'd be less worries about what people think and more worried he cheated on his girlfriend with me.
Comittment and honest in a relationship are important (at least to me) Knowing the guy I loved would be so willing to cheat for someone he falls for on another woman. Well that wouldn't sit quite right, even if I was the other woman.
I think I'd be more worried if I took him back that later he'd meet someone else, leave me and cheat on me causing me the same pain he's causing his now girlfriend who has no idea about you.
Good luck!
~ Abbeymom
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