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What is the best way to talk to my boyfriend about problems in a our relationship

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 May 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2011)
A female South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi everyone,i am having a problem of not knowing my boyfriend and we've been together for 6months .i want to talk to him about him not being open and about not knowing each other since we dont spend time together,how do i talk to him about thisin advance for helping me.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (30 May 2011):

Hi. You're very welcome indeed. Good luck and Best wishes. Take care.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you so much for your advice im taking it, thanks a lot be blessed!!!

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (30 May 2011):

Hi there. When you say you are not spending time together, are you saying that you are in an LDR (Long Distance Relationship)?

If you are, well then it's going to take quite some time to really get to know each other properly. Six months isn't really very long.

If you are NOT in an LDR, well then it's simply a case of just talking about anything and everything - the news, interests, family, work, likes and dislikes, music, movies - everything you can think of.

In other words, really getting to know what makes each other tick.

Don't be too concerned by the the fact that he doesn't seem to share his feelings openly with you, because most men are fairly closed like that.

You can be fairly sure that if he continues to want to keep seeing you, it's a sign that he likes you enough to keep on doing that.

If what you are wanting to hear from him is how he feels about you, after six months, you are better off just waiting till he shows signs of that. Men won't always say how they feel in so many words. They will show their feelings in other ways though, how they speak to you, if they treat you well and with respect and dignity. If he spends money on you and takes you to nice places when you see each other, these are all signs that he likes you a lot - or maybe even loves you as well.

You cannot however, demand him tell you how he feels about you - just because you want to hear those words. To do so, might cause him to retreat from you altogether and cool right off. He might even be scared off by that, and think that you are trying to rush him to the altar.

Men will often not reveal those innermost feelings - "I love you" - until they are absolutely sure about it themselves, and whether they see themselves settling down with you sometime, in future. Once they are very sure, well then it's just a matter of time.

Let him do it in his own time, don't try and force things to happen any sooner than they are meant to.

Just give it time. And in the meantime, just enjoy yourselves. Life is too short.

It's not about the destination - it's all about the journey.

In all of your conversations with him, just be open and honest with what you say. Share your life with him, and he will do the same with you. Show warmth towards him and he'll do the same for you. Be genuinely interested in him and in his life - he'll do the same.

That's the real way to get to know a person well.

Don't say - "I love you" - too soon, as that could scare him off also. If a girl says those 3 little words too soon before the guy is ready, it forces him into a position that he might not be ready for.

If he hears you say - "I love you" - his automatic reaction would probably be thinking that - "She wants me to say the same 3 words in return - but I don't feel that way yet, (or I'm not ready yet, it's too soon for me, I'm not quite there yet.)" In other words, it's kind of putting him on the spot. Men don't like that at all.

So that's something to keep in mind.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 May 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntHow much time DO you spend together?

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