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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met a guy who travels round the States and stops in my city as a base for his travels, he is a friend of a friend and when I first met him, we had sex, but at the time I did not realise I would be seeing him as part of the social group I hang round with. If I had known I would not have done so, we have slept together a couple of times, and now I have fallen for him, though I am head strong to know he is not in the right place for anything other than sex, as he is travelling and intends to go back home in less than a year and come back to the States and travel again, and is most likely to see girls in every State he visits. When he is away it’s easy to forget about him, but when he returns all my feelings come back, but I still want to continue with the sex, and it doesn’t help the situation as he hangs round in the same social circle. The communication between us is very bad, we don’t have each other’s numbers, we just hook up whenever we see each other, this works for me (even though it can get frustrating at times), because it allow me to not sit around waiting for his calls or texts. We don’t show affection in front of the others in the group, but once they go, we hook up, but they do know what we do. I want to make the best of this situation without getting too attached, without messing with the dynamics of the social group, does anyone have any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cerberus, your perspective is so appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): This is as good as you're going to get OP. Seriously, the way it's going now is the only way it's going to be without you getting attached, except you already are so it's only going to get worse.
You can't start contacting each other or your feelings will carried away. You don't want to get too comfortable being affectionate with each other in front of people because that will make your feelings grow.
You said this works for you, so what's the problem?
When he comes you have sex you do, then he goes, that's pretty much the least attached you can be in these circumstances but you are going grow ever more in love with him OP. You pretty much are doing everything as best you can to stop that while retaining the sex.
You've broken the cardinal rule of FWB's and it means you'll eventually get very attached, you can't just be that intimate with a person you've fallen for and not become very attached.
My suggestion would be to actually stop this to be honest, it's never going to get any better than this and you're not going to be able to shut down your feelings. Now I know that's the last thing you would consider but guess what? The fact you can't do that means you're screwed and already beyond that line.
FWB's doesn't work when one has feelings, you can't actually have this guy because he only travels to your city and as you said probably has other women to keep him company in other cities. So if you want to keep going with this have a limit OP. Have a point you'll be willing to walk away from this.
I wouldn't worry about your social group, why would they care that you're both getting some? Just don't turn into a love sick drama queen and try to complicate things by going too far with your feelings.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): Yes, keep your legs closed. The only thing that will come out of this is YOU getting hurt and a bad reputation, which will prevent other guys in your social circle from wanting to date you...unless it's only to get in your pants.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): I suggest you find a new bed buddy. Someone local that has a chance and just forget him. If u see him again be normal and don't be alone with him. Be strong you deserve more than to be his free lay in whatever city your in. Im sure he has many more in other cities.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): have another friends with benefits with someone you dont have feeling for, then you'll start to think of the originally guy the same :)
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