A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is my fathers problem? And why does my mum puts up with him?My dad gets on my nerves!!Since I can remember he's always been such an @sshole. He treats my mum like ****. She pays the bills and everything in our house whiles my dad sits on his *** all day. He just cooks and eats and always leave the house and kitchen in such a mess. He's disgusting.I don't understand what his problem is. He's always opening my letters!! Grrrr I'm so mad right now. He's been doing it for years.I don't speak to him. I don't like him. He got really nasty to me and my mum a couple of months back and said my mum and I eat **** and I don't think I want a father that is so horrible.What is his problem? Why won't my mum kick him out our house? He's so disgusting! I'm always cleaning our house and he won't stop opening my letters!!What should I do? I'm so angry right now:(I'm currently working and saving up for my own place at the moment. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): Maybe you are part of his problem, still living at home at your age and not speaking to him in the home both he and mum provided for their children.I understand you are angry and your words express this, but 'once apon a time' when you were just a twinkle in pa pa's eyes, I bet that house that you call YOURS AND MUMS(Why won't my mum kick him out our house?)was once his too.Has dad been made unemployed? has dad got a drink problem ? has dad suffering from depression? I ask this because although you say he is a complete @ssholes, I am smart enough to know, that the odds are there are other issues going on here, and more than ONE @asshole in this house. Mum probably never dated then married a discusting @sshole ( what went wrong and when?) You know the REAL reason for him opening your mail, if your honest (although he is wrong to do so ), but I wonder what is making him act in such a manner in the first place????Probably a good idea to clean your OWN house and let mum and dad try and sort their house out and their marriage.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 you really as a child have no clue about your parents marriage or why mom stays.
I will tell you we do not pick who we love.. it happens... we can choose not to be with those we love but many do not do that.
I love my husband but he's an idiot about many things and while folks wonder why we are together, it's OUR choice and we've actually talked about it... I had a guy a few weeks back ASSUME that our friends did not tell us to our faces what they thought about him. He was wrong. Everyone tells us my husband is a jerk and an asshole and I'm a saint for putting up with him. We just nod and agree. It's OUR marriage and it works for US. It does not have to work for anyone else.
The guy who made the assumption that my friends talk about my husband behind my back was promptly put in his place and was told to NEVER contact us again as he was NOT a friend and had NO CLUE what he was talking about.
I know you are not happy with your dad's behavior and I can understand that. At your age you want privacy and you should have it. that being said your biggest complaint is that dad is reading your mail. Easy peasy... get a private post office box and have your mail sent there. Dad can't read it if he doesn't have it.
As for why dad is the way he is... could be an organic brain disorder... if he's always been like this, then it may be that he never learned to be neat and clean and mom does not demand it. I myself have severe ADHD and until my current husband came along I coasted through life with a messy home, and messy finances and messy everything. I did not THINK like my husband does and I did not know how to even begin to organize and control things... it was not from lack of wanting or trying but rather from an inability for my brain to function the way others wanted/needed it to. My husband has OCD and he has severe allergies and it became incumbent on me to figure out how to fix it.
It helped that we had the ENTIRE house redone last year... every floor painted every wall redone... all junk thrown out or donated. Maybe after years of marriage your folks are just used to things the way they are.
I know you are saving to move out.. maybe look for a room share somewhere?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): Hang in there and keep saving so you can get your own place. He is your father, and he is doing what he knows and it's who he is. It does not excuse the way he treats people or the way he lives, but it came from somewhere and he's living the way he knows.
What you can do with this is forgive him. When that time comes and you are wanting to settle down and perhaps get married, the lazy disrepectful qualities you see in your father as an adult as not something you want to live with, make sure you do not find yourself involved with someone like that. Often children live what they learn, but if you are capable of seeing how pathetic this man is, you can make sure you find a man who treats you very well, works as hard at home as he does at work and is respectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): I know this will be really hard to hear and take in, but, your father is your father, and because of that you must show him respect. Move out as soon as you can. It is quite common, I have seen, for a child to just not get on with one or both of their parents. It is what it is. Move yourself from it as soon as you can, but you still must be respectful to your parents. You can ask your father politely, to not open your mail. It is against the law. If he continues, you could get a Post Office box for your mail and change your address. With regards to your mum, this is a tough one too, but your mum is a grown adult who can and will make her own choices, and you have to allow, accept and respect her choices. Even when they are not the ones you will make. If your mum decides to ask your father to leave, that will be when she is ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): There's a lot of pressure for people to stay married and not "give up " on their marriage. The high divorce rates are used to guilt the remaining married people into staying in their marriages. Also divorce is expensive.
But I don't know why your father is such a a###### to begin with. Why don't you ask him what his problem is?
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