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anonymous
writes: What is it about me, that men do not like? I am late 40's, female..blonde, told I am pretty *blushing here* and I know I am a very, very nice modest person. I treat others with kindeness, respect but I do get prickly when people are rude, selfish and ignorant. I have no qualms about stating how I feel, if someone steps over the line. I am fiercely loyal and devoted but if someone shafts me..that's it-I am not afraid of standing up for myself. Friends and family treat me great but love relationships, I seem to stink at. I am quite an independent person, have my own business, own my own home and vehicle, have raised 2 great kids to adulthood and have a teen son at home, still. I was married for over 20 years, divorced and have had 2 serious relationships since then. In all these 3 relationships, the men have said..I am too stubborn-too strong and that I am a a hellcat of a woman! lol. (I took that one as a compliment and said "thank you" ) Take into mind I am only this way, when their unthinking actions assault my sense of right and wrong. Here's the kicker-all of them have tried to be controlling, willful and did extreme acts of selfishness, that I couldn't tolerate. One fellow said, I was too judgemental too moral..another said he was intimidated by me and my ex husband just said " you are a bitch and you aren't worth it" He had his eyes opened up when he got into the world of dating and did regret his decision to leave me and not try harder. (He tried 3 times to reconcile-I divorced him anyways.) All my social contacts and friends that know me, state I am a very good person and they admire my strength and my ethics that I live by. So why don't the men in my life appreciate what I bring into the relationship. I am giving, loving, decent and honest but I do set boundries. I do not drink, I don't do drugs, I work hard, I give a lot...have never, ever cheated on anyone (ever!) and am loyal to the core. I basically abhor selfishness in adult people, in general and I will not tolerate this. But all in all, a pretty balanced, well rounded, decent person. Is the men I have chosen or is it really me? Are there men out there, that think like me..that are giving, devoted but won't tolerate bullshit or do I have to make changes? Would love to hear a male point of view but all replies are welcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. Reebe, I appreciated your words. I do have a giving, caring side and do show this side, all the time unless of course, someone is treating me badly. I don't back down. And organized? No..far from it. I'm pretty laid back. Being a Mother gives you that ability to be patient, strong and tolerant. But tell me, why do people think a woman can't be independent, strong and caring at the same time?? To the anon reader, you sounded somewhat judgemental. You make it sound like it's a terrible thing to have self-value and self-confidence? I just believe in setting boundries and stopping the crap, when these men did emotionally hurtful things to me and my family. ...thank you both, anyways.
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reader, Reebe  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 You sound a strong, independant and tough woman and while there is nothing wrong with this, men sometimes want to see the gentle side. I think you are just pretty well organised, and most men like to feel like they have some say or contribution into a relationship. I guess you just haven't met the right man for you, you will keep looking he's out there!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): No body likes anyone that is pushy and selfish simple as that. You seem to have a high view of yourself maybe they just can't be bothered to keep up with you.
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