A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Several weeks ago, I registered in a dating site that's fairly popular among college students, graduates and working class professionals (bet 18-30 years old). I figured I give it a try considering I haven't had success finding a suitable mate lately. To make a long story short, I met this guy online who seems to be compatible with me. We share a lot of the same interests, political views, family values, etc. He works and goes to school, self-sufficient, driven, single, no kids and is moderately successful in the computer science field. We've been communicating for more than two weeks and he seems like a good catch! I am also successful in my own write as a journalist, so it appears as though we are a good match. However, he thinks I'm perfect! He compliments on my beauty and classy appearance and I think its flattering to hear him call me perfect even though we haven't met in person yet. I haven't given him that impression. And I wouldn't classify myself as being perfect, or anyone for that matter. So, why would a man whose so put together and with so much experience dating women, think I have no flaws? I always give him a briefing that one day, he will see my imperfections underneath my persona. So, can anyone explain why he thinks this way so early on? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I think he's just saying it to warm you up to him. It's a compliment like saying "your eyes are like the stars in the night-sky", even though you and him both know this isn't true.
But it could also be a warning sign. If he genuinely thinks you are perfect he shows a serious lack of understanding for people in general. He enjoys to build up a fantasy about who you are, and needs you to fit into the mold he has created. That means, if this is the case, that by the first sign of you doing something outside of this mold, he will explode in your face. He wont be accepting of your "flaws" or personality features that he doesn't think fit into his idea of "perfection".
Personally I'd shy away from a person who calls me perfect. Just because I think it shows a lack of realism; no one is perfect. I think it is a stupid thing to say. But each to their own, if you get flattered by it, and not repulsed as I would, then go for it. Your best bet though is that he is just saying this as a not well thought through compliment.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): He's clearly infatuated and doesnt know you know you inside and out. That doesnt mean youre a bad person, Im just saying he's being very emotional and rather unrealistic which in my opinion is a flag possibly. I hope he doesnt build some expectation around you in that one mistake you make... bam you lose perfect status. My GF and I met online and Ive always told her that I love her great qualities and who she is but I know that she isnt perfect and is allowed mistakes in life to help her grow and learn. I said that statement in some kind of unconditional love crap I gave her lol. Anyway, meet as soon as you can so you can see the real yous and see where things go. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, klapure4 +, writes (19 April 2011):
klapure4 is verified as being by the original poster of the question *Note* - I forgot to include this key piece of information in the message, but by the time this written, he asked if we could meet up in a public park. Of course, I agreed. So we are meeting sometime this week. I didn't want to jump into meeting him so soon in person without knowing who he was. I'm a very cautious person who loves to take my time, so that contributed to the timeliness of our meeting.
Thanks!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Maybe he is just good at schmoozing, some people are champions at that. And,it's easier to draw people to you complimenting them than finding flaws.
Anyway,I tend to agree with the female anon - if all these compliments don't get soon to an in person meeting- it's just fried air.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Alrightly...1) Disregard what the person said below. The reason he probably hasn't asked you out on a date yet is either a) He's busy with WORK and SCHOOL or b) He thinks you're too good, and doesn't want to be let down (FYI, as a guy who has been on a dating site, sometimes it's more fun to just chat with someone better than you are than going full throttle into a relationship and getting knocked down later on). 2) Look a the photos you've put up on your profile...are they pristine? If so, thats why he thinks you're perfect. Throw up some casual shots at home. Cheers,A guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Hon, I'd be more concerned with why this man isn't taking you on dates. Men who are single and looking to date will want to date you and not be your pen pal. What he says means nothing if it never results in dates.
I've did online dating for awhile and in my experience, the men who didn't take things offline within a few emails were usually players or attached. If you are the one who has to ask him out or hint at it to get him to, not a good sign.
I would stop emailing him and see if that prompts this man of inaction to stop leading you on. I have a feeling he isn't looking for a relationship since he's laying it on so thick in the compliments department, keeping you hooked in to a pen pal situation indefinitely while he dates other girls who are more his type.
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