A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now. we have sex on a regular basis. he always uses the "f" word to describe it. the other night he asked if i wanted to make "F". he never refers to our sex as making love. its kind of offensive to me since we've been together for so long now. i have gently tried to tell him that its more than that to me but he doesn't say much in response to the way i feel about it. he also has said "maybe i'll just rape you" "or you rape me". of course he has never forced himself on me. what does his approach on our sex life say about his inner feelings about us and just the act in general?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I personally can't stand the term "making love".
I think you guys just have opposing sexual styles. I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with him, you guys just may not be compatible that way. Cut him some slack. It doesn't matter so much what he calls it than the actual act, right? Do you feel disrespected after you two have sex?
Then that is a deeper issue. Talk to him again. Don't force him to take on some kind of corny romance style because he will just feel uncomfortable and fake. If you broaden your mind a little to the occasional "f**k" then you can also start showing him how to have more tender love making sessions, and whatever word you want to use to talk about them.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2009):
 I don't mind the word F**k personally, but for him to say that he might rape you.. you can rape him, seems UTTERLY sick. I'm thinking ( and I could be way off) that he has come dominance issues/fetish going on. As in he is wanting to either dom you or have you be the dom.
What you really need to do, is have a sit down and talk about sex with him. About fantasies and about exploration.
Talk about romance.
I know a lot of people ( woman especially) feel uncomfortable talking about sex, but I can tell you that you will BOTH get better sex if you can talk about likes/dislikes/role play.. whatnot.
Some men don't use the words make love, cause it sounds corny. Some times people don't want to make love, they want to rut like two pigs in mud.
You might want to let him know that if he wants to get some saying "make love" turn you on WAY more then "F**k" does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Maybe he's seen the film 'Shirley Valentine' where Tom Conti says to Pauline Collins "I have a brother - he has boat" and when he gets her on the boat in a secluded cove on some Greek island he asks "You want to make f**k?"Not terribly romantic, but there's the same language barrier between you and him. Maybe he thinks you need some dirty talk to get you going - he almost certainly does. Tryt it - it won't do any harm. Try being a cook in the kitchen, the perfect hostess in the lounge and a whore in the bedroom. Some men like it that way, and it looks like you've got one of them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): his approach to intercourse sounds very immature. I would have a serious talk about his vulgar language. And I also wouldn't want to take part in sex with someone that calls it that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): tell him that it offends you, i think saying making love for guy is hard, my husband doesnt say that either, even though most all women want guys to say making love and not f***ing. its hard but i think a guy feels that he let his tuff guy inside down. try acting like you dont care when he says f, try using his words to him. maybe ask him if he wants to role play and you act like the rape victim, maybe its a fantasy for him to be in complete control.
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