A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months... it's going well, but when we met she was kind of involved in this long distance relationship with some other guy. She was very hesitant to get too involved with me due to that fact but a couple weeks ago she tells me she's decided she'd rather be with me and see where it goes.So I'm excited right, but I come to find out that she has a week long trip out to where this guy is, that she's had planned since before we met. I question her about it and she assures me she plans to tell him in person that it's over but he's her friend and it's just a friendly trip, etc etc and nothing's going to happen.She's been very stingy with giving me any information about this other person, or where she's going, or what's going on... I found out the area she's headed literally the day she left. I don't know how old this guy is, what he does, or how long they've been dating. I know pretty much nothing.So she's there now, been there for a couple days and I'm having trouble dealing with it... it just feels so shady. I feel like something's going to happen... I mean, if you spend a week with a person you have feelings for it seems like a good possibility?What do I do and how do I get through this week?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you... it's odd that the trip wasn't just cancelled, but at the same time, air fare is tough to get a refund on, work scheduling is a pain to change, etc etc...I mean I won't really know anything until she gets back, it's just that I know they're out together as I type this and it's really tearing me up. I know it shouldn't, I shouldn't be so petty and jealous but I just keep having these mental flashes of her happy with whoever this guy is and then things progressing from there.I feel like it'd be an argument if I called and asked for specifics on what they were doing, because I know she wouldn't tell me and that'd be that.So I dunno, thank you for your response... I'm trying to keep my mind off it but I keep seeing reminders. It's obnoxious. I can't wait until this week is over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Tricky situation. You can decide that you trust her enough already to take her on her word and allow yourself to just get by. Or you become stuck feeling like you are now.
I think maybe this girl should have a bit of space before going into a relationship. I know if I were in your shoes I would wonder if they had split up why the trip would not just be cancelled? It seems an odd way to start a relationship with you by going off to an ex, she may just be having the best of both worlds. You may provide company at home and her heart my lie with her long distance lover, because you are right, there is a chance something could happen.
If she has genuinely finished with him then she would understandably need a bit of time to get over it ending. You could perhaps cool things off and meet as friends at a movie or have lunch for a while?
As for this week, try to go out with some other friends to take your mind off of things. Bowling, movies whatever takes your fancy but try and enjoy yourself, don't allow yourself to become dragged down thinking about all the what if's, life is too short for that.
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