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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey, I have a problem. I really need a guy's point of view in this. I'm a 14 year old girl. There's a boy in my Spanish class who really likes me. He doesn't have a lot of money and he spent it on me for a Christmas present. I have told him many times that I have a bf. My bf has yelled at him before beacuse he kept calling me. I just feel really bad because he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said an i-pod and he was like, well, I don't have enough money to get that, but trust me, I really would. I was like, you seriously don't have to get me anything. But he did anyway. I actually don't even know what it is.... but anyway... I don't know what do to let him know I'm not and will never be interested in him!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): There is one vital distinction you need to make with this boy. Simply graduate from "you don't HAVE to get me anything" to "PLEASE DON'T get me anything." Furthermore, if he goes through with it anyway, this is one of the rare occasions where it would be very right on your part to politely refuse the gift he gets you. Don't open it, just discretely return it to him in private, unopened, and remind him that you didn't want a gift from him. If you feel the need to explain yourself, make sure you say that both you and your boyfriend think it's not appropriate for you to accept gifts from him. If he thinks it's only your boyfriend who stands between you, he's liable to fantasize that you mean you secretly like him anyway, and that's all a lovesick boy needs to believe to keep up this treatment.
So tell him not to get you a gift firmly. Return it discretely if necessary. Explain that you are not comfortable with these displays, but take responsibility for it (no foisting it off on your boyfriend or else he won't give up!).
Happy holidays.
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