A
female
age
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*benjamin
writes:My question is, what are dominant male and submissive female relationships all about. I was dating a dominant male who says I wasn't submissive enough and that I always had something to say. What did he mean? We hung out for 6 weeks and when I told him I did research into him being a sadist, he disappeared. What was that all about? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (11 September 2009):
 I like the caveman answer. Also you should not get too worried about the feminine side comment as the dominant/submissive scale doesn't always match the masculine/feminine scale. There are plenty of strong women out there that are very feminine.
He did get one thing right his personality is not going to work with yours.
FA
A
female
reader, cbenjamin +, writes (11 September 2009):
cbenjamin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just responded to me by email and said I challenged him to much and I should get in touch with my feminine side.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): He caveman you modern, independent woman. Where did you manage to pick up that troglodyte?
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A
male
reader, sf69 +, writes (11 September 2009):
I think I know what 1 perapective is biblically speaking a woman should graciously "submit" to her rusband. (in Corinthians I think) This is a line some husbands use on there wives...But in return there are "things" a husband should also do (like to support and do not be harsh) Along this line of thinking a husband maps out (what he thinks) are the best paths for the future of the family. He is supported by his wife. The old saying "Behind every great man is a great woman" comes to mind. Men can seldom do it alone...The women often make great sacrafices in hopes that the man knows what he is doing. When it works it works great...the future should be bright...lots of free time lots of disposable income...great kids etc. It has been my experiance that when either person "drops the ball" things aren't quite as rosy. So to answer your question , What does he mean when he says he wants me to be submissive? In short he wants to be the boss. And maybe he should be, but it comes with great responsibility and I fear too few men today can pull it off. ( I tried and a lack of proper "ballance" was my undoing.)I hope this helps....Good luck SF69
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 He means he wants you to be his slave. Also, you very much scared him :-).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): I've no idea what he meant, given the scarcity of information. But his observation that you 'always had something to say' makes me jump to the conclusion that this guy is pretty horrible, as does your hint that he was 'a sadist'. 'Something to say'...Did you sign a contract stating that, as the submissive, you weren't allowed to speak??
Domination/submission and sadism/masochism are NOT the same thing. One involves - as Quiet-Echo points out - both parties sharing their opposite-but-equal desires as EQUALS with both parties presumably enjoying the dom/sub dynamic EQUALLY.
The other involves one party inflicting actual pain on the other, in a one-sided deal. I don't get it and don't see how it's in any way sexy, though I wouldn't presume to judge consenting adults who indulge if they like it.
But it sounds like plenty of mis-communiation was involved, and this guy mistook your submission for masochism.
No great loss, by the sounds of it. He's disappeared. Good riddance.
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (11 September 2009):
Interesting question. We are all to some extent either dominant or submissive. In some dominant / submissive relationships the couple goes to extremes with one being always Dominant in everything, and the other being totally submissive. But most people don't make such strict rules. I married the oldest child in a family with 5 children. She is naturally quite dominant. She is also traditional and believes that the husband should lead. So instead of making the decision she orders me to. (confusing huh?) I find some comfort in the submissive role, but I don't give up control easily. I talk back to much, and often ignore orders I don't like. I tell you this for example.
Anyway two things went wrong with your relationship. First you talk back, so you don't follow the role the way he likes. Believe it or not some dominants like submissives who talk back. More of a challenge to their power. Secondly, as he saw you as not submissive enough, he got nervous when you said you were studying sadism. He may have thought you were planing on topping him. That is forcing the dominant into a submissive role. He probably didn't want that.
I hope that answers your questions without giving you more than you wanted.
FA
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