A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may be a stupid thing to ask, since most of the questions are about relationships, but this does have to do with my relationships with other people.For the past few years, I've been living in London (recently moved to UK). The whole partying on friday night and constant drinking in pubs all the time is new to me. The thing is, the people I know constantly want to "go out" ALL THE TIME.At first, I hated going to the parties and things because I felt so uncomfortable. I figured that I just didn't like it because I was new, and over time I would start to enjoy it. I constantly forced myself to go to parties or pubs when my friends invited me, knowing that they would say I was a hermit if I didn't.What I don't get is, after a few years, I still seriously fucking hate going out to parties/pubs/clubs. I can't stand all the pressure of dressing up and trying to look good, only to be around a bunch of shallow people. I'm just really tired of it all.My question is, is there something wrong with me? Everyone always wants to go out, and many of them really seem to enjoy it. I just find it boring and awkward, as I know I'm not a good-looking guy that you usually see at parties and in clubs (I don't get any women). I can't stand dancing, i just feel like a fuckin retard and i think everyone else that's doing it is too.Before you tell me that what I'm suffering from is lack of self-esteem or bad self-image, know that I've tried to lighten up and have done many things to enjoy partying/clubbing/pub. I've really thought about it a lot, and I feel that I just honestly hate this kind of stuff. What can I do to not be such a party-pooper? Why the hell does everyone else seem to love doing these activities so much? When my friends ask me to go out, what do I say to them to not have to go, without making myself look like such a hermit? I honestly hate this city and the lifestyle here. I just want to have fun with my friends in a relaxed way, but everyone seems to think the things I like to do are just as boring as I think the things they like to do are. This European "going out" culture is driving me insane! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hello,you  +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Hi,
In China,as the saying goes ,gentleman peaceful coexistence of different.
We make friends seek commond grand and the differnce exist.
My friends in college here is opposite to your friends in London.
They neither always play online games in the dorm nor read books in the dorm or library all day .
How I hope they can go out with me .
Just like do some sports ,go for a walk ,do some shopping ,go to see the historical buildings and so on .
But I always can't find a fellow who would like to .
And I still like to make friends with them .
So just be yourself.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Hey, you're not the only one, I have the same thing you do. I also hate going out to parties or clubs because for the same reasons you do. Yes, I love my friends and I DO hang out with them in private "parties" (where it's just me and my friends) but hate going out like many people do. YOu do not suffer any lack of self-esteem, nor do you have lack of self-immage. I do not even think you're anti-social because you HAVE friends. It's just not a thing for us. And by the way, it's not an "European going out culture", it's almost everywhere.
As for a solution, well it's very hard to tell. The best I can think of is to come with a compromise with your friends. Try to think of an activity everyone might enjoy and try it. But good luck in this because I don't know if it will work
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Welcome to Britain ;)
We do have a big party culture over here in Europe (UK especially...) but there is nothing wrong with not going out if you don't want to; or wanting to do more relaxed activities.
I don't live in London (but have been there many times) and I know there are a lot of places that are relaxed and chilled out that you can go with your friends.
But if your friends only want to go out and party hardcore style, try getting new friends who want to do things that you want to do. And that isn't as difficult as it sounds. London is a HUGELY diverse City and there will thousands (literally) of people around you who won't enjoy hardcore nights out and would rather to do other relaxed activities etc....you just need to find them.
I don't want to be the person that brings up the "Join clubs that interest you" phrase, but in this case you are going to have to.
Trust me, you're lucky to live in London...it's a great City. You just need to find people who share your interests. And with 7 million people in London it should be easy to find them.
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