A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted this question before but I'm not sure if it was understood the way I intended. Everytime my boyfriend and I go to have sex, I find I have a hard time being turned on. I think it's because I start thinking about losing my virginity and my nervousness takes over. My boyfriend tries so hard to please me but it's very difficult and he's being really hard on himself. What can he and I do to help me relax and keep me aroused so I can stay in the moment? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 You are not ready to have sex. When you are ready to have sex it will feel natural and you wont be worried. The more you worry the worse it will become. If and when you feel you are ready let your whole mind go ,it will not happen if you are thinking about your virginity. Maybe just mess around for the next few weeks going a little further each time and hopefully you will learn to relax and let go.
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (8 March 2007):
You're probably just not quite ready yet.
When I was your age, I dated a guy and we had been together for 18 months befoe we decided to have sex (we had mucked about previously) and after I went on the pill, we just somehow didn't seem to be able to do it - I think I was like you.
We even had a lovely bath, with candles, and bubbles, and we dried each other with lovely fluffy towels, and the bathroom was large with a huge fluffy mat and quite suitable for sex, but somehow, we just got dressed. I remember feeling really rubbish - like why weren't we doing it?
Actually (and I don't really recommend this!) what happened in the end was that it was new year's eve and I had a few drinks, and so my worries evaporated, and we just did it. Having gotten over the initial moment, somehow it was just then easy, and we had a great sex life and enjoyed it regularly.
You're probably just worrying and when the time is right, you'll stop worrying. Remember that you can still muck about even though you're thinking about "going all the way". Maybe just enjoy being naked together, maybe have him give you a massage, etc. It will come right in time, and it probably won't take that long.
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