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male
,
anonymous
writes: I have met this girl in a nightclub over three months ago. I'm 39 and she is 30. She has recently come out of a relationship. She has clearly stated to me that she wants the friendship first then will consider a relationship. We havent't gone out as friends although she has said she will when she is ready.The manner of her responses suggest that there is a good chance of a relationship.Whilst i am trying not be intrusive and as only a friend i tend to text her once or twice a week and have spoken to her maybe almost on a weekly basis and had a number of phone calls.While i am keen on her i don't want to appear desperate but on the other hand i don't want to seem uninterested.I worried that i am not finding the right balance for contacting her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): I don't think there is any type of balance. Each couple is different. I agree with the previous reader, you are right on track. Love is risky-so accept there is no guaruntees with this woman. Give this relationship time to establish. She's being cautious if she's been hurt and her heart may still be attached to this former bf. She needs time to detach from him, totally. She's being wise to go slow and you should too. But be warm, honest and nice-take an interest. I'd say to keep sending her friendly e-mails about 2 times per week and ask her out for coffee, a walk..something casual that friends do together. Jumping into a relationship too soon, can be disasterous because sex usually becomes involved quickly. When people have sex too soon, they are doomed. Great sex doesn't make a great relationship. A great relationship makes great sex. When people jump in too fast, in most cases, they miss the stages of getting to know each other. They rely on their physical attraction and miss making an emotional connection. Sloow and steady is the key. Good luck dear.
A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (8 January 2006):
Your doing all the right things to make her feel comfortable but I sense she doesnt actually feel sexualy attracted to you so will probably be happy to chug along having you as a good and trusted mate.
if you ease up on the weekly texts and phone calls she will become concerned and start calling you instead.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (8 January 2006):
 I think what your doing at the moment is fine,but while you are waiting for her to make her mind up i suggest that you should stop waiting by the phone for her and get on with your life.Did this relationship she had with her last boyfriend serious? If so then she will need some space for which you are doing.If i was you,i would stop calling her for a while and see if she starts missing you? They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.You will know for sure then if she really is interested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): she isn't interested
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