A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just because I am curious, what are some telltale signs that someone is a player?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I wanna let you in on a little something about the workings of a player:
The dirty little emotional secret that you gotta realize is that the emotional "boost" that you get from him ISN'T ACTUALLY ANY NET-GAIN FOR YOU.
The way players boost you up so much is by subtly knocking your feelings DOWN by sending you mixed signals & ignoring you the other half of the time. It works beautifully for him, because he gets all your adoration for boosting you up after actually doing nothing of the sort! Your BEST moments with him are when his attention allows your self-esteem to rise BACK UP to where it would already have been without him in the first place.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Just so you know, just because he is a player with you doesn't mean he wouldn't fall in love with somebody else and stop being a player. If he is being a player with you, it just simply means you are not the one. So don't stick around long enough to watch him play you and be prince charming to someone else. That would suck. So don't fool yourself.
Anyhow telltale signs:
he doesn't ask you a lot of, if any, questions. He doesn't seem to have any real interest to get to know you. And he doesn't tell you much about himself. Unless you ask. He's kind of short with you.
He calls you sporadically. Every two days.
He doesn't talk about the future with you. Doesn't make plans with you in advance. Calls you at the last second.
He's busy on Fridays and Saturday nights. He's busy a lot.
He checks out other girls right in front of you.
Compare with telltale signs that he really likes you and only you:
He can talk to you for hours. Asks lots of questions. Friday and Saturday nights are for you, as is the rest of the week. He is not secretive. He calls you EVERYDAY. His friends and family KNOW about you. He wants the whole world to know about you and him. He wants to get to know your friends and family. He always helps or wants to help you with little things.
That's all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately, you guys are probably right. Things have never seemed quite "right." However, when I'm with him I forget about all that because he seems so....wonderful. Yet, I have trouble getting a hold of him, and he doesn't like to make set future plans very well. He's also weird about me coming over to his place. I have to pull teeth to let him allow me to come over....wow, as I write this I feel really, really stupid and used. I don't have tons of dating experience. Also, I'm a single mom so this is especially hard! Now what do I do? It makes me apprehensive to date other people at all....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): His reputation! Joking... A man can be a cheater but can take great care of his image. I knew that according to a scientific study if a man is lying he'd look in his up right to invent a story, and if he's telling what he remembers he'd look in the up left. Has to do with biology I think. I can't say much, except some can camouflage themselves too well and fake smiles and cares especially having had many relationships (i.e. experience), then "surprise" you when you least expected it. They don't like to commit, and can be very, extremely "likable," flirting too much - that's why it's easy to find victims. What I can say I find suspicious is the early loving words! Auch. The man knows you for three days and he's already head over heels, my love. No. Love is a feeling that needs time to develop; even if we sometimes feel we are immediately in love with a person, by who we think she is we are attracted - since we don't yet know her, can only "infer" her. That's all for now.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Phones always on silent
Takes phone to the bathroom
Leaves phone in diff room
Recieving lots of txt (supposedly from the same sex)
Not being able to contact them the times you dont see them
Avoiding certain places
leaving places early (someone is there they dont want you to see)
And your instncts/gut feeling i guess
Others will probably suggest more tell tale signs
c xxxxxxxxx
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