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male
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anonymous
writes: i'm confused by my friends intentions. coming up here soon in december, this girl and i are graduating from college. we have every opportunity to go anywhere we want, and she's got it set that she wants me to go with her wherever we decide. We've discussed it, looked at houses over the internet that would be suitable for us, and have agreed to do this. she insists that she'd be so sad if we parted ways. but the catch is that she's got a boyfriend. and i'm really confused about why she wants me to go with her. her boyfriend has a secure job here already, and is out of college and settled. therefore, he couldn't come with us. but this girl and i have hooked up before, even discussed having a relationship. but we both have always had other ties to keep that from happening. so us moving together isn't just purely two friends moving together. she even joked about us dating down the road. and i don't really know what to make of all of this. i'm crazy, head-over-heels for this girl, and would love to be with her. and i'm curious if people think this is what she's hoping to happen by this move. any help and opinions would be great. thanks.
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female
reader, Confuscious +, writes (12 October 2006):
You could make a really big mistake here. I know your only young so expressing your feelings to her would be a big step. You dont want to be rejected and theres really only one answer you want to hear from her. She may think you are just a great friend and thats why she wants to spend time with you and move out with you. If she is staying with her boyfriend then she feels more for him than you and you are only setting yourself up for a big fall. Either you need to somehow speak with her and find out where you stand or move on and do not, DO NOT move away from her. We've all put orselves in bad situations were we get ourselves stuck and this is exactly what you will be doing. At this age you should be moving out and hanging aound guy friends in order to meet other girls. If you hang out with her you will feel that no girl competes with her and you will never move on. On the other hand if you speak with her and she feels the same way then she has to break it off with her boyfriend. The beauty is you are both only young so you have time to make mistakes in life. If you move out with her and do not know where you stand guarenteed in a couple of months even weeks you will be feeling very depressed, confused and just not feeling any worth in life. It may hurt to have to brave it and explain to her how ou feel and what you need from her but it is going to hurt a lot more down the track when you become stuck and infatuated in a thing you cant have.
The outcome: Speak with her - it may be embarrasing at first - maybe have a couple of drinks with her so it comes out naturally - Or even write her a letter. Personally speaking with her would be best then you can see her reactions. Say something like "I think we've got a special friendship going on here would you ever see me as anything more? or would that be a bad idea in your eyes" - this way you can ask her but also set yourself up incase she says she wants nothing more. Hopefully you take some of this advise because you will be hanging yourself if you move out with her and do not clear these issues.
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