A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 20 year old male, who is suffering from both depression and social anxiety disorder. Both of these conditions have lasted for years, many of them undiagnosed, and have left me without so much as a wink from the opposite sex. Naturally, I am unhappy about missing out on so many basic human experiences.After having mostly recovered, as far as recovery is possible for depression and social anxiety disorder, I have decided I would like to remedy my situation with women, but I have absolutely no idea about where to start. What advice can you give to a guy who has never dated, has suffered a long struggle with depression, and is in his 20s? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (24 April 2009):
 My current BF is a total nerd. He's a mechanical engineering major, goes shopping for clothes maybe once a year (and by clothes i mean black or gray polo shirts and jeans, and nothing else), and he does not even begin to understand my obsessions with shoes and celebrity gossip.
We get along great :)
Really, just be natural. As long as you are friendly and honest with people, the rest will figure itself out. Maybe you'll find a trendy girl, maybe you'll find a fellow nerd. Just don't close doors. You never know, maybe that super cute, bubbly cashier at the GAP is way into guys with computers... just be open to different people, and they'll be open with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am continuing counseling, but a lot of my problem is that I have much different interests than the mainstream. Now, this is not in itself a bad thing; however, the problem then becomes that, because I am outside of mainstream society, my choices for friends and relationships better much, much slimmer.
In many regards, I am a stereotypical nerd when it comes to interests; I love computers, science, and math. I don't watch TV, and I really don't care about following the latest fashions, celebrities, and TV shows. I don't follow sports, for I find it highly tedious to watch, and not rewarding to participate in. For these interests, I have been ridiculed, picked up, bullied, and threatened, simply because I am different.
Are there women out there who can tolerate us nerds, and if so, could you please direct me to them!
Finally, thanks for all the responses so far.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (23 April 2009):
I would continue in some form of counseling where you can just talk and be open, and go over the weeks events with your counselor.
They may do a bit of behavior modification therapy, to help you gain certain social skills and graces your depression and anxiety disorders may have caused you to miss learning.
Your therapist can also assign "homework" for you each week, where you encounter different social situations specifically to meet women you would be interested in dating. Then, every session would be spent going over the encounters and evaluating how everything went, and where you think you could improve.
But in the end, just be yourself, it's a tried and true method.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response! I will definitely take that advice into account.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): hello there, as a female in her 20s with similar issues, but with dating experience, I would say to you: be yourself, don't try to alter your personality and your "quirks" in order to fit in, because then you will be stuck in a charade, and that gets tiring!! In my experience, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more certain you are that who you are needs no changing, the more attractive you will be. Women may seem a tad shallow at first, but there are those of us out there who want anything but an "average guy". Your unique perspective, even if it's dark at times, is interesting. Your lack of a frat boy demeanor will be a welcome change to many women - it is intriguing! If I were you, just go out and do the interesting things you would normally do to build your character and don't be afraid to talk to women. It helps me to think that I'm just talking to people as other human beings, not potential dates. This takes the pressure off, lets you be yourself and the detached energy you exude will be very attractive! Good luck and remember, it's YOUR life! It's the only one you get, so don't be afraid to take some risks. How bad could it really be? If it's not life-threatening, then go for it.
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