A
male
age
36-40,
*yanF
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years now and recently we've been having a lot of issues. She says the root of the problem is that I don't treat her as an equal in the relationship. She has a lot of trouble communicating with me and it's really difficult for me to figure out whats wrong.Anyways, for the past month she's been not herself. Answering the phone like she doesn't want to talk to me and so on. I know for a fact that she's not cheating on me because she isn't that type of person. I knew that she was acting this way because of a problem so I wanted to show her how much I loved her. I complimented her, took her places, told her I loved her constantly, and hugged and kissed her every time I saw / left her. I see this girl every day; I have since we've been dating. When I mean every day, I mean every day the good part is, is that I enjoy it.After a month of her unusual and sometimes cruel behavior I finally had enough. I left and told her to call me when she was going to treat me right. She called the next day and we agreed to talk. She finally let her true emotions out and I had made the choice that we should split up. I had tried everything that I could to keep us together. It's been three days, I've been crying ever since. I spoke with her today and asked if we could talk again. I realized that even though I felt I have done everything to keep the relationship going I could still continue to try. I spent the entire day with her explaining how I don't care what needs to change, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. She has agreed to give it another shot with an open mind. However, she says she is still leaning towards no. I am making myself seem innocent in this, clearly it takes two for a problem to arise. Sorry for the long post but my question is, what can I do to show her that people can change? That I do love her? Flowers and all that aren't going to cut it I don't think. I'm loosing my mind and need help! Thanks!
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male
reader, RyanF +, writes (28 July 2008):
RyanF is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I took her to the movies last night and she seemed to have a good time. However, I think she's afraid I'm changing just for her. She wants me to be myself. I want her to understand that I am being myself and have just realized my wrongdoings and am trying to correct them. I was a jerk in some regards but for the most part I have treated her like gold. I said a bunch of nasty things to her when I broke up with her. I don't know if I do that to try and distance myself from her so I don't feel as hurt. Anyways, that clearly made things worse.
I'm scared to death that it's to late and that she doesn't love me anymore. I just can't let her go, I care way to much about her.
She's hanging around with this group of guys that I know and it's difficult for me to deal with. It's almost like being slapped in the face? I'm trying to correct these issues and make things work, while she is going to see these guys. Again, I know she's not cheating on me and am not jealous or anything. I'd just like her to take some time with me to resolve things over these new friends. With that being said, I know it's extremely difficult for her as well. I don't expect her to just move on and act like things are normal. I just hope she can work on forgiveness as this is what it's going to take.
I appreciate all the help any advice given makes me feel better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Sometimes it's best to move on, if you acted a jerk in this relationship, move on and don't be one next time
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A
male
reader, dmoney845  +, writes (28 July 2008):
the first question is what doesn't she like about you???think about that and than think to yourself maybe its not you it could be her.....she could b seeing someone else even though you don't think she is that type of person you have to watch out females are just as sneaky as males are....next think to yourself is she even worth changing for????as you see it doesn't really bother her that you guys are struggling and aren't working out.....you can only do so much it takes two to make things work.....good luck man
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): One of the ways I have learned through life's lessons to show someone you understand what's going on and will change is to re-iterate the problem ie :
so hun, if I am understanding you correctly, you feel that in order for us to make it, I need to ....insert your situation here......is that correct?
If she agrees, continue. If she doesn't, make sure you have a good understanding of what she is saying...don't continue until you do.
Then apologize...I'm sorry that in the past I failed to ...insert situation here.....
Then say what ACTION you will be taking in the future to remedy the situation :
I promise from now on, I will do my very best to .....insert situation.........
Make sure to ACT on your promise, if your actions don't reflect your words she looses trust in your word from there on out.
Best of luck to you, I commend you for trying so hard. It seems now a days people give up and take the easy road much more frequently, you are a good man.
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