A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I am 25 and my partner is 34. We both lost our jobs a few months ago and haven't been able to find anything since. We have cut down our outgoings to the bare minimum, and this is the only way we can survive until we find work. Our savings have nearly run out, and we are losing £160 a month. We have done everything we can with our finances, including cutting out socialising, buying anything except for food and bills, no haircuts, no clothing. We have no car. We have just moved to a new area as i am due to start my nursing placement in a few months, so to make things worse we have no friends here.As a result, we are spending all our time, just sitting in the house. With each other. The only thing we can do that doesn't cost any money, is going out for a walk. We cannot even afford to go to the pub.We have been together 2 years and have started bitching at each other constantly. We are both under pressure, bored as hell, and have only each other to talk to. He says my personality has changed recently, and i said to him that his had too. No wonder.My partner is sick of my complaining and my generally depressed attitude to life, but i feel as though we really are at rock bottom. i have friends talking about holidays constantly, buying new homes, how great their jobs are, their social lives, their cars, buying new clothes.We cannot even afford the bus fare to the next town letalone a holiday, our house is a wreck because it was all we could afford, and sometimes i feel as if i'll never get a job again. We have no social life as we don't know anybody here, we have no car to visit friends, and we cannot afford it anyway.I feel as if i just want to run away, our sex life as suffered as i have a lot of resentment towards my partner, you know, i still believe that as he is 9 years older than me, he should be doing something, or providing for us in some way. Part of me, i guess wonders if he'd taken his career more seriously he wouldn't have been laid off and i resent his silence and his moodiness. We try to be positive but we really feel as though we are scraping the bottom of the barrel. every day is so boring. Whenever i complain to my partner that i'm bored, he'll suggest i do some boring chore like clean the bath, or paint the skirting boards. this is not what i want to do on a saturday night! Then he says to me "Ok, lets spend our food budget on going out and we won't eat for a week!" I feel trapped, and i know my partner does too, so we end up taking it out on each other. Has anybody been in this horrible position before and how do you save your relationship?
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female
reader, holmar  +, writes (19 July 2009):
I am sorry you are in this situation. I know this sounds "cliche'" but love is more valuable than money. I would trade every bit of money I have right now (it's not a lot though..:) for love. I know there is not a lot to do, but what you have together is priceless. Think about the good things that you two do for each other. Maybe even write a list and put it on the wall, or write him a note telling him the positive things you see in him. The way you act, or he acts, either one, can either make or break mood. If you walk into the room and are smiling, then it brightens the mood. If you walk into a room frowning, then it creates a negative mood. One way this could help is if you become more positive, then you will both feel better about yourselves and your relationship. That way everything else will seem easier too. It's hard to do really hard work, like pounding the streets and looking for a job when your completely depressed. There are some things that are free that I do, or they are near free anyway. I listen to upbeat music and dance...you have someone to dance with!! I take old wood scraps and old paint from doing the rooms, and I paint signs, they aren't artistic, they are just one's like "Live, love, Learn", you could even surprise your husband and take a peice of scrap wood and pain it one solid color, then paint on it "I LOVE __________", and put his name on it. Go for walks, pick flowers and put them in vases to decorate your home. Look for scrap wood. Make flower boxes, if you can't paint well, just take tape an tape off lines in it. Get a piece of styrofoam, its really cheap, and a peice of pretty fabric and staple the fabric over the styrofoam, It makes a really nice picture, or (this is my favorite), go buy a cheap frame, like at the dollar store, get a glue gun (dollar store again and glue-dollar store), then buy some of that craft moss (dollar store), and pick some sticks. Take the sticks and use the glue gun to glue them around the picture frame. Then put the moss, and maybe a little pine cone in between. It turns out so nice and it's so cheap and so easy. And put a picture of you two in it. Honey, you are so lucky to have someone. And he couldn't help it if he was laid off. I know it takes two to have problems, but I also know if one really puts an effort in, the other usually follows suit. You are very lucky to have someone, don't let money ruin it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): I have a short message for you.
How can you hate on each other when you are all you have left to eachother? Are you both trying to destroy the last good thing in your life?
Howcan you resent him for getting laid off when you youself lost your job? Why complain about being bored when you know it will only irritate him and there is nothing you can do about it anyway?
My suggestion is to look at the good things in your life. Make new friends in your area and just be happy for the ld ones and their great lives. Be loving with your partner: you're in this together. Be grateful to have a home.
As soon as you can be more positive, you can work on your relationship. Anyone in the world would start to get annoyed by a bad attitude so it's normal for you two to be argueing. Life throws us curves and you're judged by how you handle the turn.
Ok.. i guess that wasn't short. i always have more to say than i think i will.
~Sy
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A
female
reader, Flirting09 +, writes (19 July 2009):
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. The important factor is that you and your bf have to support each other during this time. I would start by finding things to do, that you both enjoy, that will not cost a lot of money.
You would be amazed at what you can do when you do not have any monies.
Good Luck!
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