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female
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anonymous
writes: Been living with this man for 2 years. His mom came to live with us and I quit my job to take care of her. There never was a hot romance. Just two people who came together out of a need for each other. Problem is I miss being treated like a woman. I clean, cook and help him do his jobs around the house. He says he wishes he could show me what's in his heart and spoil me the way I deserve. But it's all lip service. He has no problem flirting with other women or staying in contact with his ex wife. Am I being played for a fool?
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female
reader, emmylou +, writes (27 October 2005):
Sure sounds like it, honey. What do you get out of this relationship?! And he has an ex wife. I say, get out now unless you really can't imagine your life without him, or have a little fun of your own and if you can stand it and handle it - then why not see other men yourself? I'm not advocating infidelity, but you don't say you're married.
And/or stop doing so much. Insist you get a cleaner to help out a couple of hours a week. Draw up a list and insist he does half the chores. Ask him why he doesn't help around the house. Say it makes you feel unloved and worthless and if things don't improve you're leaving.
If you're not in a financial position to move out, then spend the next few months saving and or working and try to get on your own two feet. It's important to have independence! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): Well in my opinion i was brought up that a woman does *keep* house for her man but then im just oldfashioned..if you just came together out of need for each other then is there any real love there or just love as two people that needed someone..anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): Well, that depends. If you both came together with the intent to build a loving relationship together, then "yes" he is being disrespectful and it's high time
you sat him down and told him this. You are not happy you have to start taking responsibility for making yourself happy. It's not just up to him. He's not a mind-reader..so speak up. You may feel you are being taken for granted but their is another way of viewing that. Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means you've become a comfortable, trusted element in his life but that still doesn't give him the "right" to use you as an unpaid housekeeper and caretaker. Sometimes you have to splash the water to make some waves. Just like the ocean, relationships need to be continually stirred up to keep the tides coming in strong. One of the most common relationship destroyers is letting the waters of romance between you and your partner get too calm. Becoming comfortable with your sweetie is one thing. It’s one of the best parts of a relationship but letting that comfort turn into monotony is quite another. Have that heart to heart talk with him and repairing this relationship.
If all else fails, think about getting into couple counseling to help you out. Good luck dear and take care.
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