A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So after the fighting and arguing me and my girlfriend decided to give it one more shot to see if things could change, and she asked was that I put more effort into the relationship. So thats what I'm doing but she still seems in a aggravated mood all the time. We barely talk on the phone anymore and when we do we have nothing to say but hey how are you and its very sad. Idk what to do, its like im trying my hardest to get her to love me the way she did before but she seems to not want to show me that she still does want to try. I just dont know what to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 You are both skirting the problems here.
What happened was any one else involved in your problems previously?
You say you are giving it another go, what went so horrible in the first place?
I am not trying to proportion blame here but I am trying to understand her anger. It is normally related to something that has happened and that is why the anger remains.
I do think you both need additional guidance though from a third party like a couple counsellor or something, she says that she wants you make more effort but if you say you are doing that what additional things are you doing?
She obviously has her own insecurities going on at the moment and this has to come from somewhere and there must be reasons for her to feel like this.
Does she still feel attractive and do you make comments about how fantastic she looks?
Do you have nice romantic meals or walks together whether this is near to a beach or in countryside?
You are both young but are you actually doing fun things together?
Do you go to a funfair and just act like kids sometimes or go swimming and muck around in the water?
Do you stay serious all the time together?
Do you buy her flowers from time to time or little small trinkets that don't have to cost the earth but have a loving meaning behind them?
Perhaps sending her a card to say I love you or I miss you just for the hell of it, I am unsure as to what the true problem is here but there is obviously an underlying problem that is not being talked about.
If this is left it will continue to fester and will destroy your relationship - get it out in the open and talk about it properly and ask one another what you want out of this relationship and see if it is still the same things.
I wish you well and hope you find some of the answers to help you through all of this.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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