A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone So I am just feeling strange about this one guy with whom I have had a few dates and wanted to get some objective opinions.Right, so I met this guy and then we proceeded to chat online for a long time (months, in fact), really getting to know each other. Then he asked me out and I said yes. We seemed to have a really great connection and it was quite hopeful to me to find a guy who loved what I did and could relate to me on an intellectual level! We met and had a great first date, then we planned a second date and after having to postpone it (bad timing), we went for a second date and it was great. He himself said it was an awesome one! A few days after the date, he said we should go out again as soon as he was back from a work trip (approx. a week).He never made contact during his time on the work holiday, and I backed off. He then returned and resumed chatting to me as though nothing had happened. We enjoyed our conversations again, but guess what? He didn't ask me out again. A few days later, he then said that we should organize to go out again some time. Sounded nice, but nothing concrete. Since then, I never heard from him again. Now, I am wondering: what the hell gives? Why would a guy do this? I know that men sometimes disappear, but why on earth do they do it? I am refusing to send him a message because I don't want to chase after him... I'm just a little stumped, especially 'cause - and I know this sounds trite - he seemed like one of the good guys!!! Thanks for your help. I look forward to some opinions. :)x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): I have dated men who tended to be absent for days or weeks or even months at a time. It is always a lack of interest in commitment. There is always that awful chance he could be married or living with someone or in a relationship or truly playing the field. If you were intimate with him (not saying I am assuming that), it could be that his interest has waned because of the intimate act and some men just lose interest after that. But I do agree that if he suggested getting together again, go ahead and jump on that. I wish you well. I hope it works out for the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2014): Hi girls, I posted the question :) Thanks for all your help. Honeypie, I should say that I really did do things to show my interest. I have often initiated contact (not when he was away for work but other times). I commented on a pic of him on social media, saying he looked hot. He never commented or said anything. When he recently suggested we do something, a few days later I then brought it up again and said I'd love to if he's keen. He said he is, but he was going away again, then he got sick, then.... all these excuses. However, taking blonde30s comment into account, I have sent him a message to see how he's doing (we haven't spoken for days). If he engages in conversation, I will suggest we meet up. This is me trying one last time! :)
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Blonde30s is right on the money. Call him. His suggesting you get together was his attempt at asking you out. You should have jumped in and suggested a time and place. If he's as wonderful as you say, then don't be shy - ask him!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 March 2014):
 You write :
*******A few days later, he then said that we should organize to go out again some time. Sounded nice, but nothing concrete.***
Did you say:" that sounds great, what day, time will work for you"? Or did you say:" sounds good."
You see the difference? First response makes YOU sound interested and willing to date - second answer sounds like you might just be polite.
Again if you two communicate by typing, there are SO many ways that things can get misunderstood or simply, lost in translation.
You sound VERY passive in this "courtship". Sort of "whatever floats HIS boat" - the thing is that might work in your 20's but by the time you hit 30-35 you might need to STEP it up. SHOW some interest. Doesn't mean you have to CHASE at all. JUST show that he is the ONLY one pulling the "courtship cart".
Do you two only talk through IM/text or through ACTUAL phone calls?
Because if he was gone for a week, it makes me wonder why you never sent a text or anything either.
However I DO find it a little weird that he can't talk to you because he is away for work for a week, it's not like he worked 24/7 that week.
Either he is dating multiple women, he is assuming you are not as keen as he is OR he isn't as keen as you are. The only thing though is, you won't find out unless you talk.
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