A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and living together for half that time. We do love each other and are good to each other and with each other. She's currently 32 and I'm 28. The problem I'm facing is that we live on the west coast and I want to live back east where there are friends and family. She has visited and she got along with them all. She doesn't want to move to the northwest where her family is from and I can not live in this town/coast much longer. She doesn't want to move there which kills me. Here there aren't any friends really because there's a high turnover of people coming and going. The prices for living are too high for people our age (first house buyers etc.). That would be the only thing that would be in our way. I do care for her but I wish we could have a social life and moving somewhere we don't know anyone, and away from people that really are genuine and nice, some of these people I've known since I was 3 and some a lot less, just doesn't make sense. Her reason? It doesn't feel right in her gut. What the heck does that mean? How can I show her it makes more sense? Do I leave? Can I leave.... That sounds like a dumb reason to leave one that I would regret. I just need something outside us. I need guy time, we need couple time with others and people around here will not do.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I didn't suggest moving to my hometown but rather told her we wouldn't be in my hometown but I would like to be able to visit friends.
Weird thing, she grew up in the northwest where it's cloudy most of the year. She wants to be at a place that has lots of sun. I need seasons. She doesn't know if there will be enough in the northeast... Then more recently we talked a little about it and she said she just has a gut feeling. Well, she is easily complacent. She doesn't like to rock the boat whatsoever. So I don't know if that gut feeling is her just not wanting to move (which we must) or if it's for that.
We may compromise on the middle, colorado. But sigh I just don't know if I want that. To move and yes it's closer but if it's not near anyone we know then it just doesn't feel right.
I wish I could convince her it's better to move where we know anyone than no one and be away from everyone.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Your girlfriend probably feels uncomfortable at the thought of being surrounded by your friends and family as after all they are not her friends and family. I am sure she could get to know them but they would still always be closer to you. She sounds quite independent. I would look at reaching a compromise so you are both somewhere you like and maybe an hour from your friends and family by car. I for one would not want to live in the town where my husband grew up or near his friends and family, I like my space and although I interact with them I do not think of them as my friends. We have compromised on this going for a house we could afford in the best area we could afford but within driving distance of his family and friends. I am not very sociable at all and often just potter while he visits but it appears to work quite well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): The main thing that the both of you need to do is come to some type of compromise and find out what would be better for the both of you. Sit down and talk about places that you would like to live that would benefit both, not just one of you, and make your decision from that point. Also, if you can both afford to, narrow it down to at least 3 different places and visit all of them for at least a weekend and that should also help.
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