A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I am in limbo. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend who I split up with 3 years ago. He met somone else soon after we split up and he is now married to her. I thought I would soon move on and find someone else but I realised I havn't been able to move on because of my feelings for him. He calls me occasionly and asks if I want to catch up, but I say no as he is married. Why do I still feel this way about him if he is with someone else?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): I agree with the other group, if this person just called to say hi and I hope all is going well that would be a different story. Does he know that you had a hard time moving on, if so he is going to take advantage of this situation and as they said "bootie call". Let him know that you are just friends and you do not cross the line with married men.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): Thanks for your help everyone. All you answers are quite thoughtful and contained some very good advice.
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A
female
reader, marijo  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Take it from me...I have gotten in touch with my ex who i love sooooo much after 21 years..I have allowed myself to be intimate with him....we're both married though but i was so dumb and stupid to still took the bait...Guess what happens now? He's not calling me anymore ....no emails or anything and this time is harder for me to move on because of the intimacy..I went through depression and until now im trying to move on..I know i will always love the bastard but doent mean i cannot move on... What im trying to say is STOP him from calling you and DO NOT let him play with your emotions...Thank God you didnt end up with him coz i bet he will do the same as he does to his wife...In case he doesnt stop calling you, tell him that you are going to let his wife know how he does things behind her back....YOU CAN DO IT...DONT be like me!!! TRUST me!
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (17 December 2008):
I agree with the replies here...he should not be contacting you at all. It will interfere with your ability to heal and move on.
You may never stop loving him. But you will still be able to move on eventually, and even begin to love another one day. It's just next to impossible if he is still calling. That is inappropriate on his part, being married to someone else. It's not fair to you.
Remind yourself why you split up with him in the first place. Chances are he is still repeating the same behaviors with his wife, so there are issues between them that I am sure need fixing. But he shouldn't be looking to you to escape what needs to be done within his own marriage. He should not be trying to involve you in his life any longer. It's not fair to his wife, and it's not fair to you.
I am in a similar situation, except he does not contact me. But, it has been 3 or 4 years since I split up with him. When I found out he met and married someone else the year after we split, I thought I was going to die of heartbreak. I still think about him, though not as often as before. I know that I still love him, and that I will always love him. I also know that he and I cannot be together in a relationship. I remind myself periodically of the negative behaviors on his part when we were together, how badly he treated me, and just why it did not work out then. No matter, I have not forgotten him, and I have not stopped loving him. And I don't think I ever will.
But, I have moved on from him. It took me 3 years to stop feeling heartbroken. It took me 3 years to finally stop crying. It took me 3 years before I was able to consider having another relationship.
Some people get into our systems. They integrate with us. We can't rid ourselves of them, no matter how hard we try. There is an undeniable love and passion that just won't go away. We feel it in our very soul, our very being. It's just the way it is sometimes.
I know it's tempting to stay in touch with him, but the only way you are going to be able to ultimately heal and move on is not to have any contact with him whatsoever. Cut the strings. Be strong - you can do it. And constantly remind yourself of why it did not work out 3 years ago. You deserve better - know that in your heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): ya I totally agree with this guy. u need to lose his number. for one he's a loser to have a wife and be callin another chick especially if yall had history and two if you actially met up with this guy that you still "have feelings for" and "love" then im sure something would happen and that would just make you a homewrecker and id hope that ur not that kind of person. so you should def stau away cause the dudes off limits now. I know it hurts I've been in a similar situation kinda. it sounds like the dude wants his wife and you....u don't need bs like that just move on and you don't have to forget him just don't think theres a future in this crap. some things just aren't ment to be...
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (17 December 2008):
 First, ask him kindly to loose your number... if he still calls, have the number changed. I think that he's stunting your ability to move on from "what was" to a better, happier you. Calling you while he's still married suggests to me he's trying to live the best of both worlds and is playing you to get whatever it is he's not getting from his marriage. If he's not going to respect his vows, then help him by not playing part in his extra-marital dallies -- and I say it that way because you haven't indicated that this would be a physical "get together" or not, but if you were intimate once before and he's calling you now, it suggests a bootie call to me...
A split and reconciliation is one thing... add a marriage and third person in the mix... that's just asking for (or even inviting) problems... you're feeling this way because you haven't been allowed the time to heal and move on. If he's calling, then the healing gets interrupted.
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