A
male
age
36-40,
*etalGirlForLife
writes:So, just to clear something up, I am female, not male. So, I am going on almost 8 months of being broken up with the guy I thought I was going to be with forever. We knew each other for a total of 10 years, we dated for 5 years, 4 of those years we were engaged. I'm still hurting every single day to the point of crying. This is not to the effect of me not trying to move on, because I have loaded myself with a full school schedule, I started dating someone new, and I have been always busy with friends. None of this seems to be working to take my mind off of things. I still hurt so much every single day. I cry all the time and seriously want him back. I know for a fact, I cannot get this guy back because in the span on the 8 months, I have seriously pissed him off, and his mother is fully convinced that I am insane. They all hate me now, after 5 years of being with them. I miss it all so much. Is there any advice that can be given to help me further to move on easier, or at least, ease the pain of what I am going through.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): You were with him a long time so it can take up to a year or more to get over grieving his loss...and the fact that you think his family "hates" you makes you feel like you are at fault. Stop beating yourself up, you are seriously turning your anger in on yourself, because I bet you are pretty pissed off at him too, and that is something if I were you allow yourself to feel anger. I am sure he strung you along for quite some time....a 4 year engagement? Come on, that isn't usual, it was a way to make sure you didn't go anywhere without really committing.
You are very young and I think the more you go out with other people and put your focus on you and what you want to do with the rest of your life, instead of focusing on the past and on him, the better you will feel.
Your relationship ended for a reason, so realize that something better will be in store for you, if you just tell yourself to get on with it.
I do agree that you may actually be depressed from all the stress of this, and you should tell your doctor how you have been feeling, it isn't good to be crying all of the time, occassionally is OK, but not all of the time, every day....you are depressed and you may need some antidepressants or anti anxiety drugs to get your brain chemistry back on track.
I am sorry that you are feeling so bad, but I agree, stop talking to him, stop seeing him, stop emailing, phoning, texting, looking at his social website pages, everything, put everything, including his photos in a box high up on a shelf where you can't get to it....you need to put this stuff away because they are emotional triggers for you.
I hope all of this helps and I know you will be fine if you just do these things to help yourself.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 September 2009):
What sticks out to me is that you stated you have pissed him off in the span of the 8-months. I'm assuming that you were keeping in contact off and on?
I say this all the time, but the only thing that works to get over someone and ease the pain is no contact. Typically after a few months of being broken up and no contact, you start to move on. If it's been 8-months and you're still feeling this way and you have not seen him or talked to him, then you may need some sort of counseling or help for depression. Otherwise, from research that I've done and my own personal experience, 8-months is a long time to still feel the way you do about him if you haven't kept in contact with him. If you have been talking to each other here and there, stop it ASAP.
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