A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:For the most part I am living with my boyfriend. We spend every night together at his house. He calls it ours, we share everything like a married couple. Yet, my belongings are not moved in. I live from a bag and when I brought it up we had an arguement. Why won't he take the final step? He says he needs to organize his house first, but has made no effort to do so. I told him I can't live like this much longer, but I don't want him to feel pressured. Everyday I tota a bag in and out. I mean EVERYDAY! I clean, make him dinner, we shop do everything as a married couple so i'm confused. The other day he sarcasticly said, do you want a drawer? Will that make you happy? My reaction was HELL NO! What would make me happy is to fully move my stuff in. Is this a sign that I'm just not getting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I lived like that for almost 3 years. We took turns going from each others home with overnight bags. He always had an excuse when I talked about a future together. He said he didn't want to feel pressure. I felt like the relationship was in limbo & it was taking a toll on my self-esteem.
A month ago as I was leaving his house with my bag, I told him I can't do this anymore, that I need more. He hasn't talked to me since. I know I'm better off, I think I was nothing more than a convenient sex partner for him.
I'm not sure how long you've been living like that, but don't waste years like I did. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 WHOA!!!! SVC.... you make things PERFECTLY CLEAR!!! There is no response (not even one of my patented glib ones) LEFT!!!!!
OP: "Listen" to SVC.....
good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Stop toting the bag daily.
Stop going daily if it's such a bother for you.
How long are you together?
stop cleaning HIS home
stop cooking his meals in HIS home.
If his argument is that he needs to organize his house first, offer to come help him on weekends (NOT spend the night) and offer to make a checklist and go room by room.
Kitchen... one weekend
living room dining room one weekend
his bedroom one weekend
WEEKEND OFF TO PLAY
spare room one weekend
basement one weekend
game room one weekend
yard and cars one weekend
total time to prep for move in TWO MONTHS with a weekend off for good behavior.
I bet if you present that plan to him he'll balk at that too and say NO NO NO NO I can't commit to that... in other words "NO I don't wanna live with you, why should I when you show up every night and sleep in my bed and cook and clean for me anyway"
as my mother used to say "why buy the cow when the milk is free"
I remember when my LDR boyfriend offered me a drawer. I even posted on here about it... what does it mean when a man gives you a drawer... it's funny to read it now.. he's my hubby. I have way more than a drawer.
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