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We never have quality sex and she's talking about her ex!

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 March 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, *hattodoinmt writes:

My wife and I recently got married and we have a 5 year old together, it seems like we never have "quality" sex, I mean we have sex but only for her to shut me up. She tells me that she lost the emotional connection with me, but about a few weeks ago I was snoopin through her phone and I found some messages that she and a friend were talking bout her ex in a way she shouldn't. Be talkin like and then she asked her friend and I quote" does he still ask about me cuz I'm still a very bad girl"......wtf is this? Ohhh and just so everyone understands when I say quality sex I don't mean that she has to be a porn star,but I like foreplay too and I tell her all the time but ash soon as she gets what she wants, its always come one hurry up...blah blah blah. I don't know what to do please help!

View related questions: foreplay, her ex, porn

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A male reader, whattodoinmt United States +, writes (3 March 2011):

whattodoinmt is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have talked to her several times and nothing has ever changed.she always gets so defensive when I bring it up. I have even tried to spice things up a bit but that just worked agianst me, she uses her toys more than we have sex. I have a feeling that there is something I am not seeing but I don't want to snoop anymore either

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011):

Hi

It is definately not a good sign for your wides beviour! I think it goes both ways in a relationship and communication is a highly vital part of it!!! It is bad enough that she is going behind your back as it is and sad enough that her friends aren't telling her the wrongs!!! It must really betray your trust!!!! First comes to first there is an underlying factor for what is happening as to why your bedroom activities have decreased or gone sour! You can either try to spice up your sex lifes with new things and see how she welcomes it or you can sit down and talk to her. I mean you should be able to speak openly about how you feel, make sure you have the right approach as women are very emotional in general. You know your wife the best!!!

I hope this helps but I wouldn't put things off and hopefully you can both work things out!!!

Good luck!!

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A female reader, brooklynbeauty United States +, writes (2 March 2011):

It seems like you need to talk to her and confront her about what you read. As a woman, I can tell you a message like that (even if she is not cheated and she probably isnt so dont worry!) means that she is losing interested, and trying to get the attention of other guys to feel sexy. Ask yoruself; is there anything you could do to make her feel more attractive? Spice things up a bit? If you try this and you feel that she is still acting the same, you have no choice but to tell her how you feel. But try your best to keep our emotions under control while telling her this, so that she doesn't feel like she is being attacked or accused, maybe then she will feel comfortable enough to open up to you and tell you the real reasons for her behavior. You have a child together, so try your best to work everything out with her now, before you drift apart more and more until one of you realizes it is time for a divorce. Deal with the problem as soon as possible. Get her some lingerie, or put on a sexy cowboy suit or fireman (w.e she's into!) and try to see if that helps your situation.Maybe a good sexual connection will help her open up more emotionally. After a good orgasm don't ruin the mood by bringing up any accusations, just try to ask the right questions that will let you know what she is craving for emotionally and physically.

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A female reader, StarryEyes101 United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2011):

StarryEyes101 agony auntShe shouldn't be even asking about her ex if she is recently married.. It's obvious she still has feelings for him, or feelings that are just sexual. I think you should ask her about it. You recently got married and she's already hiding secrets? Not a good sign. Sit her down and have a good conversation and make sure you say what is on your mind.

I hope this helps

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