A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey yeah so me and my boyfriend keep having these talks about our relationship because, im starting my junior year, which both of us know is very important, and hes going into his first year of college. and we keep talking about whether or not its a good idea to still be together. i mean both of us want to be together but at the same time we need to focus on school. i keep telling him as long as we both put effort into working on our relationship it could work out, and if it doesnt we can atleast say we gave it our best. but hes still uneasy about it. he told me that he doesnt want to have both of us worry what the other is doing also. and its really confusing what to do. both of us talked it over with or friends and family, but we still really dont know what to do. we both want to be in a relationship but at the same time we dont know if its a good idea because of school.what should we do?stay in the relationship and give it a try?or end it, even though we love eachother? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Hi, I know this is tough for you. Your boyfriend is going off to college and things aren't going to be the same again. I'm going to offer my own thinking on this, and I'm not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom or anything like that, but this is not going to be easy.
First of all, you're both very young, with your whole life ahead of you. I'm not saying that he's not 'the one' but few high school romances survive this transition to college. He's going to be in a new environment, meeting lots of new people and learning new things about himself. You're going to be at the same school for a few more years, and are going to start to feel jealous and left out. He'll have lots of new things to think about and new friends to discuss and all the pressures of schoolwork.
It's not that you don't care about each other, but it's the timing of things. I know a couple of people who did manage to stay with their high school sweethearts into adulthood, but they are few and far between.
By keeping yourself 'off the market', so to speak, you too are also missing out on meeting new people who might be really great too.
I had one boyfriend for 3 years of college, and now I regret that. I regret it because I was getting too serious too young and I missed out on meeting many more guys who might have been a better match for me that the boyfriend turned out to be. Don't make that mistake.
I think you two should let each other go, stay friends and stay in contact and see each other when he's home, but free yourselves to experience life. Don't get tied down too early.
If you do this in a friendly and amicable way, your relationship may survive this transition. What I'm worried about for you is that he's going to feel tied down by you when he's at college, and you are going to start resenting his new life. This may lead to fights and an ugly ending to a nice relationship. Do you follow?
So I'm not saying end it, I'm saying that you should change the parameters of the relationship. This is not going to be easy for you, I'm afraid. He's going to get swept up in school and classes and studying and getting his feet under him and will barely have time to breathe.
I could be soooo wrong about this, so take this all with a grain of salt. Good luck!
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