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female
,
anonymous
writes: For the past five weeks I have been seeing a guy I met through an internet dating site. Although he hinted at having sex early on I made him wait until a week ago. He has been ill for the past week or so and we haven't been able to see each other. He then began to hint he thought we were getting too serious too soon. I backed off and have left it. Only to speak to him today online and be told he really likes me and wants us to be friends. What did I do wrong? I still really like him but afraid he may just be using me. Is there anything I can do to catch his attention again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Agreed - why would you want to be friends with this kind of guy? With friends like that - who needs enemies?
It sounds to me like you were probably after different things. You would like to meet a guy with the hope of having a commited relationship, whereas this guy probably doesn't really know what he wants, but wouldn't say no to having sex.
Sadly he wasn't upfront and honest with you - however that is all down to his lack of confidence and is not your fault at all. It seems quite common for people to pull the "it's getting too serious too quickly" line out but look within the context in which he has said it - he pushed you for sex first - when you agreed - it was him who said things had gone too fast. It's a blatant lie, isn't it? It was said, in my opinion, to really screw with your head and cause you to blame yourself. It was, afterall, him pushing things fast and the moment you agreed, he used how you had been feeling against you.
You really don't want to get this guys attention again, do you? I think you know in your own mind that he has treated you badly, in one of the worst ways a women can be treated by a man, and the longer you try and pursue this guy, or have him entertain your thoughts, the worse what happened will make you feel. Break free, leave this guy in the past and move on to new things, there is a great relationship waiting for you out there, so don't waste your time on this pathetic loser. All the best :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I have to ask, dear. Why on earth, do you think that you did anything wrong? You did nothing wrong. Some 'not so nice' guys dump women because they don't like the way they walk, the way they talk or dye their hair--who knows? This guy slept with you and then he distanced himself. This guy has given you big clues, that he's an ass. Why do I say this? You said it yourself, 'he may have used you' and yet...you still want to regain his attention??" Ouch. If I were you, I be pretty upset for allowing some cad like this treat me like a piece of meat, hun. I will tell you a rule of thumb that always helped make my life easier when I was a young woman, on the dating scene. And that is: Do not waste any more of your precious time, trying to interest a man who has either 1) used you, 2) dumped you and 3) put you in the dreaded 'friend zone'. This guy did all three! Get out there and find the great guy who will be interested in what you offer. By remaining focused on this 'dud' , you are assuring that you will never find Mr. Right. Give this one up and lose contact, too. He's a big fat loser and he's not good enough for you. So now get out there, be positive, smile and have fun. But don't forget...learn to use your head and discern who is the right one for your future. Choose wisely. Go on, girl..I'm rooting for you. Let me know how you do.
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