A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my girlfried have been dating for a year and a half. I really love her but for a while we've been having problems. we never had a single fight for almost a year but now we fight all the time because she thinks i dont spend enough time with her. I try to make time for her but to tell the truth its become more of a chore to hangout with her. I like to spend time by myself so it kinda conflicts with having a relationship but i dont know what to do. I love her so much and i dont know if ill ever find someone who loves me as much as she does but im just not happy any more when were together and i know it hurts her when we fight. I feel like i want to be single again but i dont want to hurt her cause shes completly infatuated with me. Should i end it now and stop her pain or keep trying and hope something happens to change my feelings? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I think your girlfriend is overly dependent on you from the sounds of things....she seems pretty immature as well...she is young and so are you, maybe it is time to cut the umbilical cord and go it alone for awhile...it would be good for both of you as you don't need to be so tied down and committed to one person when you are this young.....both of you have a lot of growing to do.
The best relationships are between two whole people, not two halves that try and complete each other....(that famous line in the movie Jerry Macquire "you complete me" is a crock of you know what)....doesn't happen.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Hello everyone, i posted this question a little while ago i wanted to say thank you for all your comments. But after rereading my question there were a couple things i felt needed clarifying. When i said hanging out with her was a chore it seemed kinda harsh, its more that when i do spend time with her im just not happy and find myself wishing i was doing something else. It doesnt help that we have very few common intrists but i go along with it to make her happy. Its just got to the point where im thinking about my happiness and how its gone. I also wanted to clarify what i ment by infatuated. No matter how much time i spend with her the second i have to leave to go home or go to work or anywhere else she cries and cries. Telling me i never hangout with her and she misses me so much then she'll get mad and wont talk to me. We spent three days together, all day and night and the second i had to go to work she did it again. I just cant deal with it anymore and it kinda scares me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Okay, you love her and she loves you. The only problem you think that spending time with her is more of a chore now. I think that you should end this relationship because you are being unfair to both her and yourself. She deserves to know how you really feel and you deserve to be out of something that is a burden to you. Ignoring the fact that you don't want to be with her anymore will not stop your arguments and things will probably just get worse. You should tell her that you do love her but you want a friendship rather than a relationship, tell her that you cannot make yourself have feelings that you don't. And don't worry, there will be someone else who will love you like she does, maybe even more, and hopefully they will be the right person for you. But it just doesn't look like your current girlfriend is. Good luck Xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): I think you sound like a typical guy. What your girlfriend is saying is that you are taking her for granted, what you are fighting about is just a symptom.
She does not feel that you appreciate her, bargaining for more time is the solution she sees to her feeling under appreciated, but it isnt the solution.
The next time, you call her in advance, you have a plan for a night out, you bring her some candy, or what ever she would like, kiss her on the cheek and lead the evening with your charm and wit, be the guy she fell in love with.
When the time is right, apologize for taking her for granted, explain to her that you cannot spend all of your free time with her, you need to be alone once in awhile and spend time with family or your friends without her.
Tell her you think it would make you feel happier and less stressed,, and you know you would be a better boyfriend if you had more to give when you did see her...tell her you dont want to have to fight with her to create space.
See if this doesnt do the trick.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): take some time to yourself, tell her how you're feeling, maybe she will give you space. you say that she loves you, and you love her.
don't just throw that away, because its hard to find.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): I think you should end it or maybe you could take a break from each other for a while? That way you could both hav some space and see how you feel being without each other, but if you feel this way now then there might not be a great chance of it changing. You can't lead her on and pretend that you like her more than you do, because it's not fair to her and it certainly isn't fair to you.
If you spend your life trying to make other people happy and ignoring your own feelings in the meantime, nothing good will come of it. I've seen this happen a lot, and it's not good.
Best of luck and keep us updated :)
xx Hope xx
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Your feelings have changed, You want to spend time on your own hunny this is what is causing the arguments and the hurt..It would be kinder to tell her the truth than to feel like she is being a chore, When its not really her fault sweetheart. You need to really think hard about this and do the right thing by her, The arguments are not going to go away as long as you dont want to be with her she can sense this so thats why you are always fighting hunny...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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