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female
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*NH
writes: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. About a month ago we decided he would move in with me. We have a great sex life. We have sex almost every night and we talk and always try new things. I see nothing wrong with it. Recently I discovered something strange. When I got home from work one day I found a porn tape (hardcore) in the VCR. I asked him about it and he told me someone gave it to him. I knew he was lying. I asked him why he was watching it alone after we had just had sex the night before. I had told him before we could watch it together, or anything he wants. I figured he was embaressed and dismissed it. The problem is that now I noticed he uses the VCR everyday (almost).. I feel he is watching it everyday and I found his stash of tapes and magazines. This is not a big deal. It is the lying and telling me he doesn't like that stuff, and is it normal to watch that everyday?????I am beginning to think maybe he is a pervert???Please give me your opinion/ advise on this situation..
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (5 March 2006):
 I dont think he is a pervert but I think he is in a habitual spiral that it will be difficult to get him out of (short of burning his stash of tapes and magazines!)
If this makes you uncomfortable then you need to address this situation head on and tell it it stops. If you are not that bothered and think you are just reacting because that is what society expects of you then go with the flow.
GOOD LUCK XXX
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 March 2006):
I dont think he is a pervert but I think he is in a habitual spiral that it will be difficult to get him out of (short of burning his stash of tapes and magazines!)
If this makes you uncomfortable then you need to address this situation head on and tell it it stops. If you are not that bothered and think you are just reacting because that is what society expects of you then go with the flow.
GOOD LUCK XXX
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (27 December 2005):
personally i don't agree with porn in relationships st all but you say you're ok with it so that's a start. however i can not think of a good reason why any amn would want that when he has such a great sex life. i must suggest that you keep track of how often he watches it because it is addictive. my partner does not want to have sex with me at all because he is addicted to porn. he pushes me away and denies me any physical attention then he goes straight to a porn site as soon as i'm out the way. i'm not saying your relationship will become like that but you do need to let your partner know that it could ruin your physical relationship. however your partner may be looking at it to get some new ideas. keep telling him that you're ok with it and tell him you'd like to watch it with him. there is no reason not to if you both want to
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (27 December 2005):
 Well, I think pervert may be a bit harsh. Some people watch porn more than others, it becomes a problem if it starts to interfere with normal activities such as missing work for it, not wanting to go out because of it, or stopping the relationship sex for it. If he starts doing that then it is time to cut back. He probably does feel some shame and that is why he is hiding it. I would confront himwith the knowledge you have about his collection of porn and magezines and show him that you are accepting of his behaviour as long as he is not lying to you about it. If he feels that he has no reason to fear, he will be more likely to include you in his activities. The biggest thing here is communication, you both need to feel like you can talk about this openly or it could drive a wedge between you. Good luck.
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