A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know most men are literal, but maybe I've been out of the dating game too long to read the signs. I joined a dating site earlier this year and reached out to a man that I felt was someone that fit me. He responded and we spent the summer just enjoying the city together, having quite a good time. Recently, we became intimate. Now, I'm old enough to deal with intimacy without assuming we are boy/girlfriend status. He did ask me though what was our relationship afterward, I told him there was no pressure for us to be exclusive if he didn't want it to be, but if he met someone then let me know and vice versa. He admitted that although he does like me alot, he wanted to maintain a friendship with benefit type relationship. I'm okay with that as I'm not in a place career-wise to concentrate on a relationship.My issue is that he's always asking me have I went on any dates, etc. I've asked him if he wanted me to date other people, he said he wants me to do what I want. The last time I saw him, he asked me about meeting guys again. Frankly, I wonder if he wants me to leave him be. He's a very nice man, but I can't read him. I already told him I don't want to be hurt, so I'm okay with our "agreement", but if he wants more or wants just enough, then why all the questions? Am I missing something? He's a bit shy, but after months of getting to know each other, I don't think it would be hard to tell me he's changed his mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Samantha. He's not seeing other women, with the type of man he is, I don't have a problem if he is anyway.
I thought I'd might want a relationship with him, but he's really the total opposite of me, so I'm not sure if that's good or bad, ;D. We are alike also, values, entertainment, etc. But, I don't mind our current status, just unsure if he does. I'm also a bit insecure being back in the dating arena, he doesn't reassure me much because of his laid back personality. When we do talk, it's relaxing and we both enjoy each others company. So, it's a nice mutual companionship, just not fulfilling as a relationship would be as his work comes first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): I can think of two reasons why he might be asking you if you have been meeting other guys. The first is that he may have been meeting other women, and he is just wondering if you are doing the same, meeting other men. He may just be curious to know. The other possibility is that the idea of you seeing other guys bothers him.
It sounds like this must be quite confusing for you. I don't think there is any way of really knowing though without asking him about this. Maybe you could say that you have noticed he always asks about this, and you are wondering if it bothers him, the idea of you seeing other people. If he still says no, then maybe a point-blank "would you like an exclusive relationship?" approach might work.
What do you want? Would you like to be with him only? Or are you quite happy with the way the situation is? Either way, I think you should try and explain to him what you do want. Trying to guess what he is thinking might not get you anywhere, especially if he is shy. So I would advise just ask him about this, get it out in the open. Hopefully, you will get some answers from him. Good luck! x
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