A
female
age
26-29,
*odieL
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year and a half. He's 19 and I'm 19 next month. But have kept it secret for the whole time as my parents knew about my last boyfriend and made me split up with him. We was under so many restrictions and we have gone through so much.My parents found out about him and now made me break up with him, as they think that he wouldn't be able to care for me in the future as he dropped out of college and is now training with his uncle'. I tried to make them understand that he makes me happy and the one I love but they made me choose. And right from the start he's always told me to pick my parents.We both knew we'd have to split up because he didn't want to do this anymore, he just wants us to be a proper couple and not be secretive. And yesterday we talked about 'us' and I said I would wait 2 years for him until I've finished uni. But he said he doesn't know if he can do the same as he doesn't know what will happen in 2 years. We never said we had split cos we knew we didn't have to say it, but we both knew we had to say goodbye. But I knew it wouldn't be forever. Watching him walk away from me was the hardest thing in the world.I feel like my life is torn apart as I believe he's the love of my life and my soul mate and I know there is hope. I'm so heartbroken. Is there anything I can do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): The most difficult thing for a parent is having a daughter who likes guys that most likely will hinder her future progress and happiness. Ultimately, break her heart.They know by experience the type of guys who will.It's better to step back; to let her fall and crash on her heart, than to interfere. She will do exactly what you did, have a secretive relationship with exactly the type of guy they don't approve of. That means they're over-parenting, and you didn't appreciate their protection. Even when it's for your own good, and out of profound love for you.In the past, you have proven not to have good judgment; which is why your parents do not trust you. They have a duty to support you, protect you, and to interfere in your business until you are old enough to handle things on your own. Then they have no right to intervene; unless you invite them in.You'll risk your future and safety over a crush; because you don't know any better. You would betray their trust and go against their wishes in order to circumvent their intrusion. The boys will not respect or trust you as much; because they see you have a sneaky nature, and a lack of respect for your parent's advice. Things could have happened that could have brought you harm, and your parents could have been the last to know. Even worse, you'd have hidden a bad incident from them; not to disclose you made a bad choice. Girls at your age can be very naive and vulnerable. That's why they interfere.You like just the opposite of what they'd want for you, just to prove a point. You write them off as lame and controlling. You over-look the love behind it. You're not as into the guy, as you are in rebelling against their wishes. It dates back to the beginning of teenage psychology. You live in a world of teenage drama and fantasy. You have no true experience to dwell on, and now you must face heartbreak without being able to turn to mum or dad for their comfort and support. They'll notice your sadness and offer it anyway. Although; they are very much aware of what's up; but haven't admitted it. They are letting you handle it by yourself. They knew the outcome. They also instinctively knew you were up to something behind their backs; because they know you.The truth is, he was ready to move on. He didn't just get over the secrecy; he got over you. He was ready to move on and wants to date other girls. That's what young boys do. You've reached your expiration date. That's what young people are supposed to do. Date for fun,and to gain experience with each short-term relationship.He left you drowning in a puddle of tears; with a sad ending to your over-fantasized love-story. You were more in love with being in love; than having true love itself. It was all a fairytale you concocted. Many fairy-tales don't have a happy ending. You don't always live happily ever-after.In your case, you are safe and your feelings are a little wounded. Hopefully you're not pregnant, didn't get into any trouble with the law; or contract an STD. I'm sure you wouldn't have thought to get tested for an STD; because you trusted him. You might want to consider that, if you had unprotected sex.Your safety is still a happy ending. However; you learned a valuable lesson on your own. You are young. The pain will pass. I know it will.You should want to be able to date out in the open; and to invite a nice young man to dinner, and to meet your parents. Nice boys who want an education aren't as dull as you may think. They can be just as sexy and cool.You should value your parent's trust and you should try to earn it' in exchange for more freedom to make you own sensible choices. They can't protect you forever.I sound old-fashioned; but I know what I'm talking about.
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