| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a boyfriend which I love. He is the best thing that has happened in my life and I am so happy with him. There is this guy from my past with whom I had a 5 year old relationship. We are best friends and we sometimes fooled around and well I have never been capable of saying no to this guy. Recently this guy got pregnant a girl and well married her of course a week before marrying her he was with me. Anyway my boyfriend we've been together for 1 month and a half and I honestly love him and today I was unfaithful to him with this friend from the past. This guy called me and said he just wanted to talk I told him I had a boyfriend and I loved hims o no but he said he only wanted to talk and of course we ended up together. I feel so awful. I love my boyfriend I really I wan't even enjoying myself I just have never been able to say no to this guy and I don't know what to do. Should I tell him and ruin the best thing in my life? Or should I stay quiet and do as if nothing ever happened and live with what I did? I feel so guilty but it meant nothing and I don't want to ruin what I have with my boyfriend and I know he would never forgive me. Help.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): You were capable of saying no what you didn't have or want was to have the desire to say no.
Please take some accountability for your thoughts and actions. (words too)
This is part of the problem when one does not set personal goals or make promises to themselves and works on keeping them.
When it is not written down and posted where you see it...it just becomes a passing thought.
And if you were well aware of this pattern with this "bud" you knowingly went ahead and met him and choose to have sex with him. It was a choice you made.
You need to re-examine why you keep turning to this unworthy individual? What does he symbolize? What have meaning have you attached to him?
Set a goal today. Write it down. Go to a mirror and say it to yourself. Say it to yourself in the mornings. Read the post it note on your mirror.
You need to realize that you deserve more than being some side dish.
You need to realize you have a boyfriend who sees you more as a side dish.
You need to realize you deserve love and you are of great value.
Please seek out an individual counsellor. Get strong emotionally and mentally.
Sooner or later, our bills come due.
You will need to share this with your boyfriend. It is part of becoming a new you where you are honest and no longer make poor choices, you are now a woman who loves herself and will not let anyone into your life who will not support you in being the new, stronger, wiser you; a woman of integrity.
Best Wishes and please do enjoy the New Year...it holds so much promise just like you.
*hugs*
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006):
I really get the impression that you are a kid fooling around. All this drama- its like you are playing around at being an adult.
Yeah, you have all the body parts of an adult now and you can wear exciting cloths. But you are not a character in a soap opeara- there are real consequences here. People get preganant, you can break up marriages.
Part of being an adult is having self-control and figuring out what your moral code is in advance, not when you are in a situation. Some adults freeze their credit card in a block of ice or only bring a limited amount of cash out with them- so they arent tempted to spend more than they want to when they see all the flashy items out in the store. Some married people make sure not to cultivate friendships with the opposite sex that can suddenly bloom into an irrestable attraction. Some adults dont meet up with ex's, or if they do its in the middle of the workday at a coffeshop where the chance of their clothes accidentally falling off is minimal.
You will get past this period, and I dont know if the current bf really is the best thing that has ever happened to you. But do yourself a favor and look back through the questions on DearCupid and see the problems that people are in. How many of these could have been prevented with a little forsight and judgement before hand! It should only take you an hour before you see that the best way of avoiding these troubles is not to go looking for them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I agree with Soulsista and Dr. Pete. You have compromised your own integrity and self-worth by giving in to your ex. What a winner he is! Gets another woman pregnant, and ONE WEEK before the wedding he's fooling around with you! Clearly he intended to do more than "just talk."
Don't say you can't say "no." Its about time you LEARNED to. Thinking you have to give in is just a weak excuse for something you wanted to do anyway, at some level, regardless of whether you "love" this new bf - whom you can hardly know, really, after just one month. Whether you should tell the new bf or not is up to you.
THINK about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006):
Whether you tell your boyfriend or not, you have already ruined the best thing in your life. You seem to say you love your boyfriend a lot, but things don't "just happen" from going to a point of just talking to having sex with someone. Not if you didn't want it to happen.
Like the other person said, this is obviously a bad relationship. You clearly don't have any self-control around this guy, and this guy has little, if any, respect for you as it seems he coerced you in to having sex with him, knowing you only wanted to talk, and knoing you had a boyfriend that you allegidly love. No decent person who respected you would do that.
If you do tell your boyfriend, please don't use those sickening words "It meant nothing" because, for him, what you did means everything.
You're young and a lot of people find themselves in your kind of situation, just make sure you learn from it and next time, if you find you love someone, try putting their feelings before your own desires to have sex. It's very easy to say NO, after all.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (29 December 2006):
 Most people have someone from their past whom they never get closure from and it's hard to move on. It sounds to me like your ex is this guy and you need to start moving forward and away from him so he doesn't keep coming back and wrecking everything you manage to get in the future.
You do need to tell your boyfriend what happened. Things like this have a habit of coming back and biting you on the bum if kept quiet. Let it out and, if he wants to, start all over again. If he doesn't, you've lost a good thing but isn't this better than keeping a good thing on a lie? Maybe this will teach you a lesson and give you the push you need to move forward.
It sounds to me like the ex is as mixed up as you right now. He is trying to cling onto you as comfort and maybe you're doing the same thing. This is a destructive relationship and needs sorting out, now. Please don't let this continue. Come clean and start getting over this guy, don't let him ruin your life any more.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, JustJessie909 +, writes (29 December 2006):
Listen to me Please do not tell your boyfriend a thing! And if he found out somehow - deny it. It will only hurt him and then u cause he will leave you! It is not worth it for this one time thing and you have only been with your boyfriend for a short while. From experience I am telling you this. Sometimes not usually but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. It will hurt the both of you for no reason. But Stop seeing this other person. If you wanna make your relationship work you need to drop him Even if for a few months you cant talk to him. If you really wanna save your relationship! GoodLuck! SHHHHHHH
...............................
|
