A
female
age
36-40,
*amylynnz
writes:Me and my bf broke up for about a month now. We've been together for about 4 years (next Saturday). We've remained "friends" and he called me almost everyday. The problem is that we keep on fighting over and over for the same mistakes that we made. We fought a great big time last night and I cried a lot (I know I shouldn't showed him how weak and desperate I was, I felt regretted of that action). He has already told me that a few weeks ago that he wanted to get back, but right now there is no chance because when we do get back, we will still be fighting again. We planned to go to the beach for our four year anniversary but now it's all shattered. I feel really hurt and can not concentrate on working. I really want to be with him next weekend. Is there any way I can let that happen????? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): It doesn't sound like this is going to work right now. You broke up a month ago due to various mistakes. And now, whenever you two get together, you end up fighting over the same things. I can't see this improving at the moment.
I'm not trying to see that there is no hope, or that you two will never be able to be together again. I just don't think that will happen right now. You broke up for reasons. Those reasons are still there. Those things will need to be acknowledged and dealt with if things are to improve.
But if you two keep fighting when you see each other, then it might not be the right time for that now. I think this might require some time apart. You have only been apart for a month, and not really that, as you are still seeing each other. I think that you both need some space from each other, to think and gain some perspective on what is going wrong within the relationship.
I know being apart is difficult and painful, it always is. But being together while things are like this is also difficult and painful. I would suggest just giving things a bit more time, and take some space away from each other. Like I said, I don't think this is a hopeless situation. I just think that you both need a bit of a break from each other, before thinking about trying again. And if/when you do decide to try again, remember that those issues will need to be dealt with, otherwise they will keep cropping up and making the relationship difficult.
Good luck, I hope it all works out okay. x
A
male
reader, manchesterlad09  +, writes (23 July 2009):
Hhmmm, tough one. In my experience if you are arguing constantly when together then theres obviousley something very wrong with the relationship and it sounds best to stay friends. As im experiencing this can be even harder in some respects but at the same time at least your maintaining a civil level of contact and still seeing / speaking to each other. Maybe it would be an idea to enjoy the night together on the beach but make it clear that your celebrating your friendship rather than anniversary.
Hope it all works out for you x
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