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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am feeling really down right now because my partner and I argue all the time. I do love him and know he loves me but it is getting unbearable. It has been like this for some time now and we keep hoping it will get better. I am a disabled person and he is at home every day as I need help, although I have to admit I am beginning to wonder if this is a good idea. I know that you will probably suggest that both my partner and I get time away from each other, and I do think that will help. I even wish now that he could go back to work rather than be my carer. If you asked me what we argued about most of the arguments start over something trivial and then escalate until we are having a full scale row about something completely different. I feel so disheartened that most times we argue, particularly when he says something that really hurts me, I take my engagement ring off. It's getting so often that it seems like a joke. I would love for us to work out, but it just seems we are not meant to be and are incompatible. Sometimes I just comment on something and he automatically assumes I am having a dig at him and I am not. This is so frustrating! It is all frustrating. I have 2 children and I do not want them growing up in a home with arguments. They do hear the odd argument but do try to keep it from them. I just don;t know what to do, I can't think straight. Hope you can advise me, thanks. Shaz.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 January 2005):
 Dear ShazI think you have both got into a rut with arguing and it is getting out of control. This means that you aren't spending any quality time at all together and you are almost expecting to argue and flaring up very easily. You have got into a habit. But habits can be broken.You do need to spend time apart as you say. This will give you both something to talk about too. Perhaps you could seek information about having another carer with the idea that this could save your relationship and it will give you both a break. Would it be possible for you both to pursue seperate interests somehow ? Could you both go on a relaxing holiday together? You need to be able to bring something outside into your relationship, I feel.You could also find ways to stop the arguing by agreeing with each other that as soon as you know one is brewing to take time out whereby one of you leaves the room. Perhaps one of you could say a special word(previously agreed between you) that signals the argument should go no further and to stop.You both also need to remind each other how you feel. Tell him that you love him and appreciate all that he does and cuddle as much as you can to regain any intimacy lost.I do hope this helps.
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