A
female
age
36-40,
*uilty
writes:I have been married for 1 year and I have off and on felt that I was not in love with my husband. I always tried to push the thoughts off and not think about them because he is so good to me. Finally, I started to have panic attacks (they were horrible!) and I fessed up to him, and my family that maybe I did not feel that I was in love, and I never really felt in love with him. I married him because he was my best friend and I didn't want to lose him. He comforts me. But I have begun to feel that this is not enough. I am now separated from him and considering a divorce. I am speaking with a counselor and am trying to listen to myself. But I would like to hear if anyone else has been in this situation or has some advice. I dont have any kids and we are both 22 years old. If I am not going to be happy I want to end the relationship now- I think that would eliminate wasting time trying to make something work that may never work.
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female
reader, 88jane  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 you are very brave and i think that you have absolutely done the right thing!! if you feel as though this relationship isnt working and you dont love him anymore then you did the right thing ending it before something like children got into the situation and complicated things further! a lot of people stay in loveless relationships because they are scared and dont want to hurt anyone but you cant live a lie and its fairer to him in the long run if you admit this now!! a lot of people have children to try and make the relationship work and im glad to hear that this is not the case and you are acting on things early!
keep up with the counselling, it may help!
take care, i hope things go well hunny!!
xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Oh honey, you are a brave and smart girl! I married at 19, and by the time I was 23, I was in the same boat as you are right now. I drug my feet, afraid to be alone, fearing what everyone would think of me, but I knew I wasn't in love with him like a wife should be. I continued to fake it for years, had a string of affairs and finally got smart years later and got out. I haven't yet filed for divorce yet but do plan to as soon as he gets over being so completely freaked out by our separation. I know I waited too long. You were smart to come clean early! Don't settle for the comfort-zone, you will be bored out of your mind later and be tempted to cheat (as I did, and regret). Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Hi
I sympathise with you here. Been in a similar situation some years ago.
You have been brave saying to him the truth.
I also did the counselling and she helped me see that sometimes when you stop loving someone, no matter how much you want to, you cant get the love back.
My guy was great and had done nothing wrong. Im sure he would never of hurt me or left me as long as he lived. I just got with him when i was young and eventually felt i hadnt lived i think.
Keep on with the counselling. It can help some people.
I still did feel guilty for quite some years after but he is with someone now (im not! hehe) and everyone is happy! So do what you think is best.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Steph8742 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Well I have felt like that at times. I would feel suffocated and like I didnt have my own space. But now we are in the process of breaking up and I am heart broken, I wish I had acted different when I felt like that because now I am loosing him and I really do love him. :-(
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