A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I need some advice..my boyfrend and I are considering getting married, we have a joint savings account, we have chosen a ring etc, however he goes through these stages where he feels insecure and not strong enough for me, he feels like I am a much stronger person that him and this makes him insecure because he is the guy and wants to feel like he can take care of me, he wants me to be submissive...which I am but he feels that I will want to take contol over him because of my personality, he also feels insecure because of my strengths which are dealing with people, communication skills, and certain other things that he is not good with but he has different strengths, the way I see it is that we balance out very well because we have different strengths. Whenever he feels this way it effects our relationship because I can see him pulling away from me and this causes a fight because I notice that there is something wrong and he fels too bad / embarrassed to speak to me about it?PLEASE HELP???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I met a guy at your age and we had the same issues and for the next 7 years I went through him accusing me of wanting to leave him because he wasn't good enough and constant competition over how much I earned. I made more than him after we were together for a couple of years. Eventually, we broke up over all this and now he is with someone more submissive, a kindergarten teacher, that's not really a threat to him and they seem quite happy. Sometimes just being who you are is a threat to some guys and you can't limit your potential or refuse to shine just so they stay secure. You'll eventually tire of it if it's not in your nature to be the more demure, submissive type. Personally, my advise to you would be to not get married and see how it goes over the next couple of years. Love isn't always enough and you are just at the beginning of your success.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response,you are right and this helps but unfortunately only for a short period of time. I really go out of my way to make him feel special and loved but then something happens, like i was offered another job yesterday and this is what sparked it off because my basic salary is lower than his but when i start earning comission I could double his salary and this makes him feel insecure because he is the provider but he doesnt understand that what he earns doesnt matter to me...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Clearly he feels somewhat undeserving of you, and could be afraid that one day you'll feel so too and leave him. Just make sure he knows you love and care about him regardless of his weaknesses, eventually he'll stop thinking you're too good for him.
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