We are both in committed relationships, but for four years, as we work together, we have flirted, chatted, and she had begun to literally chase me, so I asked her out, via e-mail, she rejected me and completely turned off, I am confused, please help |
|
A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been attracted to this woman at work for nearly 4 years. During this time we've both been in committed relationships. Recently my 'will power' has started ebbing away. I can safely say that we like each other and are friendly towards each other but are not friends as such. She works around the other side of the building and this means that when we do pass in the corridor or steal a moment in the coffee area, the moment always tends to be rather memorable (at least for me). Earlier this year I tested the waters by sending her some Valentine goodies. There then followed months of knowing smiles and lingering eye contact - and a few nervous chats. Very recently she starting pursuing me (quite literally, down the corridor!) and so I felt obliged to ask her out - which I did via e-mail the following morning, but was then rejected. She is now appearing to blank me in the corridor. Is this part of the dating game or have I really messed up? Has she genuinely had second thoughts? Over night has she decided to hate me? How can she go from coming on to me one minute and then giving me the cold shoulder? Surely if she saw me as a friend rather than as a potential lover she would just hit me with the 'You're a really nice guy but let's just be friends' routine. As such, part of me thinks she's just playing with me to wind up the sexual tension so that we eventually start making out. In other words, part of me thinks she (still) fancies me. 4 years is a long time. I think I can safely say that she is a fine woman with good character. Hence I'm a little confused. Any plans on how to catch this beautiful lady? I'm trying hard to keep my emotions in check of course i.e. staying cool. Any other tips? Will she come to me eventually or should I make another approach - this time face to face? We haven't spoken in 5 weeks (although there was a two week holiday for her about two weeks after my e-mail to her). Her birthday is at the end of August. Should I send her a birthday card or will this drive her away? I do not want her to think I'm an easy catch - although I really do find her very attractive of course sigh!...
View related questions:
at work, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): ...and perhaps she even thinks I've tricked her into possibly developing feelings towards me and is resenting me for this. I do have feelings for her, of course...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): P.S. Is it an offence to ask out a woman knowing she is in a (committed?) relationship, i.e. have I disrespected her? Perhaps she is as confused as I am. Perhaps her confidants have put her off me. So many questions!
...............................
A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (4 August 2008):
 I'm sorry to say this, but I think there's a good chance she was just joking around and thought you were too. After all, you both were / are in relationships so it would have seemed a safe yet fun and saucy way of brightening up the work day.
Why not ask her (by email if that's your normal mode of communication)if you have misread the signals and apologise if you have. At least that way you will know for sure.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wildrose293  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 With girls it's often times confusing WHY they decide to dote on a man. Whether they think he's romance material or just that his rump looked good in a particularly nice pair of jeans... but there's also something else you might have missed out on. A woman doesn't always think about sex when she flirts. To her, maybe you were just a secret little crush. Or someone she enjoyed getting attention from. But... not serious attention. The looks, the candy, and the little talks were probably boosting her confidence. But when you asked her out, she most likely got scared. Suddenly the attention was real.To me it sounds like she wasn't looking for a relationship, so much as a reason to feel liked. Don't read too much into it and don't chase her. That might make her sudden distance worse. Just let her get her mind straight and see what happens. My real advice? Cool your jets and try to just act like a friend. No flirting. No candies. Goodluck.
...............................
|
|
