A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and so far we have had a perfect relationship until a few days ago.Friday it was my birthday and to make a long story short i told my boyfriend and his friends in our hotel room to be quiet because it was very late and the woman next door to us had complained. My friend being very intoxicated i guess got angry and said "you dont control me bitch" and grabbed me by my neck and threw me to the ground. I was so humiliated he did this infront of a group of people. I have never ever seen him angry before. He has always been very respectful and kind towards me. He has also been very laid back and cares very much about the people around him. This is why I am so confused. I dont know if i should leave this as a one off and suggest he doesnt drink excessively anymore as it clearly doesnt have a good effect on him (he doesnt normally drink). He didnt remember the next day what had happend until i told him and he feels terrible. I love him very much, i have been through a lot of bad relationships and was very happy when i met him as up until this weekend he has been wonderful. I dont know if i should take his word that he will never do it again and blame it on excessive alcohol consumption, or if i should be more worried... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Well my initial reaction was "leave him now!" but the more I think about it the more I think you should give him a second chance. If he feels terrible about it and has never shown any signs of acting like this before then I think you should forgive him and put it down as a one off.
I still think you need to talk to him and explain that this behaviour has worried you, and that if it ever happens again you will not be sticking around. You need to tell him that he cannot drink that much ever again when he is with you and ask him if he is prepared to drink less when you are with him, he needs to be willing to make that small sacrifice if he wants to keep you.
There are no guarantees that it wont happen again because as soon as he drinks again it could happen, but then again if he is a good guy he will drink less when you are around just to ensure that it doesnt happen again. Basically your boyfriend is going to have to prove to you that he wont get so drunk around you anymore and that he will learn to control himself when he is drinking.
The only way to see if this happens is to stay with him and give him that chance, and if he really does love you then he will make sure that this never happens again. If you see him drinking excessively whilst with you again then I suggest you just leave the room so you are not putting yourself in danger. But hopefully he will make sure that he never gets that drunk around you again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Dump him or sit through therapy with him if you think he is worth it. Sounds like split personality which ultimately could prove deadly if he truly doesnt remember. A medical diagnosis would prove worthy too.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 If the guy says he doesnt remmeber the event you have to take his word and forgive him.
Give him a chance and see if he doesnt consume excess amount of alcohol, if he does something like this again -get rid -but if this was a one off and he truly cant remember it, then its your choice to forgive him or let it churn around in your head.
Violence is not the answer to anything, but if he truly did not mean to do that act its your choice whether or not to forgive him after all you know him better, and you have to judge it against his past with you.
Good luck!
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