A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi auntsI am separated, i met this guy, we had an instant connection and got on really well. I separated 5 months ago and he broke up with someone the same time.My problem is i had to break up with him due to him not putting in much effort, he did at first but then the telephone contact dimished and was lucky to hear from him once a week and never new where i stood to be honest, i know he has been hurt in the past but so had i.Basicly, i got the impression that he was not over his ex as he brought me to a place for lunch and all he spoke about was he was here with his ex a few months back..was a beautiful place but i did not feel that special!!He then made the decision that he would not be coming to see me the weekend after but will see me in two weeks if it suited me, i went quite as i believe you should see each other at least once a week for things to work out and give it a proper go. We live about 2 hour drive apartWas i right to break it off?? i miss him badly and wish he would contact me but he has not. Should i just move on and forget about him and just put it down to one of those things.thanks
View related questions:
broke up, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 I believe if a relationship is going to work out, you must have patience, especially when the guy your are seeing has just come out of a break up that perhaps was not by his own hand. Now it could be that your feelings for him were not strong enough to hang in there until he got over her. It is an individual thing. When I became involved with my b/f 4 yrs. ago he had come out of a horrible break up and was definately not over her. In fact, at the beginning of our relationship, he spent alot time talking about his ex and wishing he could get her back. I was patient and then as things between us advanced to something more sexual, I gently stopped allowing him to wallow in the memory of his ex. For me, it was a very slow process but I loved him and wanted to help him get past this horrible experience. When I moved in with him, some of her things were still there. He had left the crayon marks on the hall wall where her kids had been allowed to run wild. For awhile I tried to ignore those things, but over time they began to bug me alot. That and the million pictures he still had of her and her kids on his computer. After about 6-8 months of living together, and him telling me he loved me, I waited until he was away on business and I bought some of those Magic Erasers and went to town on all the walls that still had crayon marks. I went around the house, picked up the things that were hers, put them in a big box and moved them to the attic. I went to the computer burned all the thousands of pictures onto CD's and boxed them up. It was a nauseating process but one I felt really helped cleanse us of the constant reminders. Now, four years later, I can tell you the box of CD's made it into the trash can along with her other belongings and he finally made the transformation to forget about her. You have to do what you feel is right. I loved this guy enough to go through more hell, but it's an individual investment. Maybe this guy just wasn't "the one" for you. I wish you the best.
|
