A
female
age
51-59,
*etty325
writes:What would you do if you were me? 48 yr old in a 1 yr relationship. He wants to date for 6 yrs then marry, due to him recently buying and renovating his house. I'd like to get married now. I can't see the back and forth for that long. I take this to mean he's just not that into me. He and his ex were living together by now. Granted she didn't have kids and I have 2. The ex is still in the picture too. Not sure how much a threat she is. He swears (they all do, don't they) they're just friends - she's several states away but she calls and txt every couple of weeks. At my age, I'm scared of wasting time if it's not going to meet my goal of having a complete loving family unit again. I really want a daily relationship, not an every other day relationship. What would you do or say to him?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 December 2011):
 I don't understand his reasoning for waiting 6 years?? Is it because of $? Because you don't have to have a lavish wedding. I had an extremely tiny wedding that cost us under $1,000. Although, I do regret not hiring a professional photographer.
If you want more children, I agree you don't have time to waste. However, you CANNOT force him to putting a ring on your finger. There's nothing you can do or say to make him marry you now.
You can give couples counseling a shot, if he agrees to it. But it sounds like he's lacking effort on his part in this relationship.
You're in a rough spot..You can either wait it out and see if he moves you in and eventually proposes. Or you can call it quits and start over.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 December 2011):
 In six years how old will your children be? Is he holding out because he doesn't want to deal with the kids?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2011):
 how the hell does he know he needs to wait six years to marry?
The ex is still int he picture HOW? calls and texts long distance every few weeks is NOTHING....
if you want daily you need to tell him you want daily. if you want to live together tell him that.. if you need to be married tell him that.
accept that he may not want it and you may have to move on.
I agree with counseling if it's just about communication.. that's where we are in counseling after a year because we determined we have the same fundamental beliefs but we don't communicate well with each other.
But I have to say that if as an adult after a year he doesn't know what he wants or he's putting you off six years... you're right he's not that into you...
we are dating a year... we moved in together pretty much by June due to my being off work most of the summer so we could be together... but now we are legally together full time and living together and getting married next year.... if YOU want MARRIAGE and he does not... you have to resolve this.
IF he wants to live with you and you need marriage, you have to accept that he may not want to marry you.
I didn't want to get married again but my man needs that security... and I am happy to do so for him... and if all he wanted was to live together I'd do that too....
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A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 why 6 years?
Why not 5 or 7?
Its just odd to be putting such a definate timescale.
Is it that he wants to save enough ££'s to get married "properly". Is it that it will take 6yrs to complete the house so it is ready for you and your children to move in?
Is there any reason he couldnt move in with you until getting married?
I completely understand you would want more commitment than a once a week date night. However you havent mentioned why he wants to wait, whether you have talked about this or whether you have offered compromises.
Has he said lets set a date for 6yrs time? OR is he evading the whole thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I say, listen, I think we need couples counselling. I don't think I'm being heard and my concerns validated. With
couples counselling we also can address how to problem solve, how to come up with family rules. And why I should have to wait 6 years. Its odd to come up with that number.
Having a counsellor present to help us communicate and listen and gain skills we may not have, is all around a good idea.
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