A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I think I've messed up. I am recently divorced after 14 years of a miserable marriage that I was never happy end. I have also recently gotten back in touch w/ some old friends. One of the guys tried to kiss me a few months back (before the divorce was final) but I said no. Even though my husband and I were no longer 'together' I still felt it would be cheating and promised myself that is something I would never do. I told him when I got out of my marriage we could see where things lead. In the meantime I caught up with another friend and he and I started talking on fb and texting. PURELY PLATONIC but over time I've started to develop feelings for him now. The prob. is guy 1 and guy 2 are really good friends. Guy 1 backed off quite a bit until he knew I was divorced now I hear from him a lot more. Guy 1 has asked me out but I'm really more interested in 2. Guy 2 has never admitted his feelings or asked me out but we communicate way more often. I am not prepared for a full on relationship now but I do want to go out and have fun. I feel like guy 2 would be more my speed, we have more in common and he seems more interested in being there to help me anyway he can but how do I let guy 1 down and let guy 2 know how I feel? Have I accidentally just dug myself a huge hole? I don't want to come between their friendship and I still am sorta interested in guy 1 just not nearly as much.
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female
reader, Love2answer +, writes (26 October 2010):
If you don't want to be in a committed relationship yet why are you forcing yourself to make this decision? Casually date them both and hopefully time will give you your answer :)
Just don't lie to anyone. Tell them both you're interested in dating but you aren't ready for a true relationship yet. Any guy worthy of your time will be okay with that. Just tell them you want to take it easy, have fun, and see where it goes.
You haven't dug yourself into a deep hole, you're just thinking too hard. This isn't marriage. You have no commitment to be with just one person, so long as you don't lead them to believe this. Honestly I don't think you are even obligated to tell them you are going on dates with them both unless you sleep with them or decide to be exclusive or they know each other or something. Just as long as you aren't hiding it, either.
Personally...I don't know you or anythig except the blurb you just wrote...but guy 1 seems awfully nice for backing off and respecting you, so why not just go ahead and go on a date with both? Eventually you'll be able to tell which one you'd like to go further with, if either, and you'll have some good memories probably.
Think of this as more of taking time for yourself since you just got divorced rather than having to pick someone to be exclusive with and pair with all of the sudden.
Hope that helped.
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