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I'm trying to change, but how do I convince my girlfriend?

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

my partner and i are currently apart due to verbal abuse from me i have had therapy to sort this problem out.i feel that because my partner comes from a physical abuse breakdown in her previous relationship that she is afraid to show her feelings for me anymore.i am a much better man than i ever was ans have treated her like a saint for over two months.we were engaged to be married and i'm still so in love with her but her feelings have changed for me.

i am currently seeing a counsellor but she doesnt want to go with me what can i do? she has constant stresses from university with work and has recently lost her sex drive too.

when we have been together we have been great together and the time we've spent trying to fix this problem is getting her down cos she wants to feel like she used to for me but can't, i feel i've hurt her so much over time that she'll never get those feelings back and she thinks the same.i

think she is afraid i'll hurt her again but i have promised her i won't, i love her with all my heart and she knows it.there's no other woman for me i have wanted her for a long time and we have been friends for many years and as soon as we were together i asked her to marry me and she said yes.that day was the best day of our lives and we were so very happy. i'm sure there is a way to save our love. i am so commited to working this out. please help me .

many thanks

P. hopper

View related questions: engaged, sex drive, university

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A reader, fran, writes (7 February 2005):

you will find that women remember things and find it difficult to let go of past feelings. you need to pamper her! let her know she's the only one for you. don't put any pressure on her. make it clear that you want to be happy and you will wait for her to come round. you can't push her back into the relationship before she's ready. take her out on day trips, don't talk about your problems and just enjoy the day. she'll start to see what she loved you for. then you can ask her to go with you to your sessions when she feels better around you.

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