A
female
age
41-50,
*hloeElizabeth
writes:Hello everyone. I have a question about my current relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 1/2 years, and I recently found out that he had been sending and receiving x-rated pictures to and from other women roughly a year ago. He also sent very perverted e-mails to one of these girls explicitly describing what he wanted to "do" with her. He also posted some sort of personal ad on the internet and received a response from a 22 year old girl (he is 32). I found this information out by snooping (I know it wasn't right but I had a bad feeling about him because of a naked picture of the girl he was talking dirty to that I found in his cell phone prior to finding the e-mails), and now my trust for him is completely gone. He told me that he never slept with anyone and that he did what he did because he was searching for attention from these women because he felt like I hated him at that point in our relationship. He also told me that he cut ties with these girls a few months ago because he felt terrible for what he did. I don't entirely believe that he didn't have any intentions to do anything with these girls, because in one of his e-mails he was asking the girl why she had cancelled their plans and that he was sorry they didn't get to "hang out and what not." I am so miserable because of this situation and would appreciate any advice that anyone has to offer me. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is very common in relationships. It's not like on tv where you get married and stay with them forever.
Usually relationships don't last beyond 10 years and if they do it's very dry and people are only in it for kids, money, or to not hurt others feelings.
People by nature want new things, we are about change. Try watching the same tv show for 2 days straight, or eating the same food prepared the same way for a week. Now imagine doing that for years and years. He loves you but wants others. Just because he wants others does not make him love you less.
A
male
reader, wordsofwisdom +, writes (22 August 2009):
Situations like these happen so often when one part of a couple is concealing information from the other(1). Then we look at the frequency of things done (2) the results from damage(3) and what can be salvaged (4). One thing you've done was 'snooped' to find information that was hidden from you. You had reason to speculate his consistent deceitfulness, and I know hurting because of what our loved ones do to us can be stressful. He is the culprit of your pain, and I know you may love him. But for whatever reason he decided to enter into his own emotional affair has nothing to do with you, but his own low self-esteem. He sounds like a guy that believes he needs validation from other women to make him feel complete. Its not that you don't complete him, its that he doesn't see he is incomplete because he hasn't given his full heart into making your relationship work properly. I know the pain of leaving may cause you to question the next relationship you enter, but know that you deserve more than he was able to give. People make mistakes and change, but can your heart handle the pain he caused you thus far and question his every move? Think about it before you call it quits!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): He is definitely cheating. Don't believe a word he is saying , thats a bunch of lies. It's up to you now what to do with situation. Don't take it personaly, he would cheat on any girl.Good luck
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Listen. What he said as an excuse is just bull. He was just making that excuse in order for you to feel guilty about what HE did. How in the world does that make sense? He also lied about how he wasn't actually cheating on you, because obviously due to what you found, he had intentions on actually meeting with her. Everything about this and everything he says are just lies. Seeing as he is doing this now, I hardly doubt he has 'stopped' like he said he did. Even if he gave you all his email passwords and let you check through his phone, he can easily find other ways to get in touch with these girls without you knowing. Especially on the computer. I don't even like the idea of him sending pictures of himself and recieving pictures of other girls. That's just wrong. I mean looking at porn is one thing, but having personal sexual contact with someone is another entirely.What should you do? It's simple. You need to get rid of him. Not only can you not trust him anymore, but you know you can do much better than this. You deserve a guy who is loyal and isn't a liar. No one deserves to be treated like this. Gain back that self-esteem and realize that you are an amazing person, and you definitely don't need some lame and rather pathetic individual sneaking around your back, treating you badly. A relationship is nothing without trust, and I'm pretty sure this guy blew it. You'll be miserable if you stay while constantly questioning what he's doing. That doesn't sound like a happy life, so move on!
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