A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex bf and I were together for about 3yrs. During that time I pretty much did every single thing for the guy and supported him in every way. Eventually, he had an opportunity to go abroad to a beautiful tropical place for work, which I sorted out and supported him with. But as soon as he arrived, he became a jerk as soon as he stepped off the plane.For instance, I have a chronic back problem, part of which is arthritis. Some days I am ok and other I have terrible pain that keeps me in bed. He suddenly decided to tell me that he could not cope with someone who had "issues" like this and that he only misses me when I am having "good days". He does not want to have to deal with me when I am in pain. Another day I was speaking to him after receiving some bad news and he was angry with me because he said I was ruining his weekend because he just wanted to go out with his friends and have a good time. SO yes, I ended it quickly.Before he left, he agreed I would visit him for about 6 weeks in Dec - Jan. He was going to pay for the ticket for me as I currently can not afford it. Now, he is still messaging me constantly and emailing me (I tend to ignore him most of the time). I do not want to visit him, but the thing is, as the winter sets in more, my pain can become almost crippling. I will have more days of being bed ridden and now the days are getting worse with me pain. THe cold terrifies me. When I have an ok day, I defo do not want to visit him and keep my dignity and pride. But then when I have awful days, I think maybe I should just go for 6 weeks and save myself the most painful period of the year. Now I have more bad days than good. So I am stuck between letting either my pride/dignity win or my fear of the pain and being unable to walk when it gets severely cold.What are your thoughts? I keep going back and forth with this decision. I know he may want to win me back too (I have no desire to be with him. In fact, I am so angry and disappointed with who he became, and of course, he will tell me nonesense and as soon as I am back in the UK he will be the same jerk again. I also started dating someone else, and he said that he would understand if I went there for the winter months as he does not like seeing me in pain like this.Realistically, I do not in any way want to be around me ex or expect him to do anything for me. But on the other hand, I am in so much pain that it is soul destroying at times and if I can minimise it even by a small fraction, I feel tempted.
View related questions:
my ex, no desire, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): I don't know what it is like to be in constant and debilitating pain, so I'm afraid my answer will be of no help.I wouldn't go. And it's not a bout pride. It's logic. It would be OK to accept an invitation from friend (even if he's an ex boyfriend) to pay for your ticket and let you stay with him for six weeks. But, he doesn't act as your friend. Do you really want to spend six weeks with someone who sees you as a burden? I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I wouldn't like to have a feeling I owe something to someone who doesn't accept certain things about me, especially those I can't change. What would happen if your pain somehow aggravates during your stay? I don't know why he offered (and keeps offering) to pay for your ticket. maybe he wants you back, who knows. But in that case, it would be fair from you to give him false hope.I hope you find something that can help you with your pain!
|
