A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So this might sound like a funny question but when my boyfriend and I have sex the neighbors always hear us! We live in a building with very THIN walls! I find I (we) cannot seem to get all the enjoyment I (we) want from sex because I (we) are worried about the noise. I am noisy and I really get into it! LOL But not overly noisy! But I feel I must tone down my passion and enthusiasm not to disturb the neighbors. Some of them have actually complained to the condo board! And one of them slipped a letter under our door telling us she hears the "closet door opening and closing" and if we could stop opening and closing the door so much, she would appreciate it! Closet door is a metaphor for SEX!! Moving isn't an option because our rent is very affordable while the rent is sky rocketing in the city when you rent a new place. It isn't that we are overly loud. The walls are just overly THIN and everybody can hear everything! Does anyone here have any solutions to suggest? Thanks!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2022): You aren't supposed to be quiet like a mouse when you have sex!!!
And I don't agree with female anon who called you selfish! It is perfectly normal to feel and react during sex!!! How can you tone it down when you are not a porn star who is supposed to orgasm on cue and told how loud they should be??? You are likely not even aware of it. That is a possibility! Why would you be selfish for enjoying a human experience?
I suggest moving OP. When you are in that position. You should not change for others. You have a right to do as you please in your own place just as they do. And you have mentioned that you are NOT OVERLY NOISY.
Female Anon is just JEALOUS she isn't getting any!
Sex is meant to be enjoyed! More power to you hunny!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2022): I have some experience with loud women, I married one. When she's very organismic and loud. I like to take some credit here. She couldn't be quiet about it if she tried.
"Stop bring rude and selfish and quieten down, no one wants to hear you selfish woman!" And have sex that only pleases the the man.
Tell your neighbors that barking dogs are way more disturbing.
I also think it is inappropriate of them to talk about your sex act. Ask them how they have kids. Women sprinting on a treadmill make the same noises. But if you're using graphic language, "f*** me harder" like my little Princess -- maybe tone that down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2022): Stop bring rude and selfish and quieten down, no one wants to hear you selfish woman!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2022): The few time we heard the neighbors have sex we thought it was very entertaining -- maybe that just us. My sister says I sound like the Porky's Gym Teacher -- so I'm pretty sure they heard from me. LOL. It's a fact of life. Neighbors should say nothing. Tell them you got a Peloton and that's what they are hearing. One morning looking out our window I see some fancy undies and a ball gag on a blanket in the neighbors backyard.
Slept right through her tryst. It must have worked.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2022): I think you should remember that in cases of noise complaints the neighbours are usually advised to put recording equipment in!
So maybe you don't want your dramatics to be delivered live and direct to your neighbours or anyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2022): Get large thick room-sized throw rugs and runners to cover your floors to absorb sound.
Oh, come-on! How much noise do you have to make having sex? Screaming and banging is a bunch of bull hockey! It's no more than theatrics!
If you have a creaky old-fashioned coil mattress; replace it with a mattress that has encased coils, or memory foam. There are also hybrids made of memory form tops and encased coils. That will minimize motion. If you found your mattress on a curbside, or it's an old hand-me-down; God knows it's got to go!!! If you have a rickety headboard, either tightly secure it to the bedframe, or get a new one. The headboard shouldn't knock against the wall anyway. It makes dents and gashes. Pull the bed out from the wall. As for your bedframe, it might be time for an update to a new box spring; or purchase a platform for your mattress, and get rid of your old headboard, bedframe, and slats altogether! If the mattress and box spring sit on the floor making all that noise, it's time to throw them out!
Make love like your grandmother is in the next room. Screaming, grunting, and squealing like wild pigs doesn't make sex any better. It's nonsense, and you know it!
If your lovemaking is noisy, your entire lifestyle is probably inconsiderate of your neighbors as well. Imagine what they've heard and haven't mentioned!
If you don't consider your love-life private enough to keep it down, I guess you sound like a couple of Clydesdales clopping around; because you don't care that your neighbors can hear you. The rent is cheap, so what the hell!
You're grown-ups, we don't have to tell you what to do.
Moving may not be an option for you, but if the landlord gets enough complaints; it might be your only choice!!! You're not the only ones paying rent there.
Keeping people up in the middle of the night, is the best method of making yourself mortal enemies. People do get even when you think there's nothing they can do about it. They may move, and the most terrible people you've ever met may move in. People who may not just complain, but may kick your door in! If the rent is super cheap, that's sometimes the kind of people most likely to move in. As the neighbors below would attest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2022): The only two people that care to hear that noise is you and your boyfriend. I had a friend who was really noisy, stayed at her house a couple of times and you would think she was being murdered. Personally I find it rude and no need for such a racket, sorry but if I was a man it would put me off my rhythm haha.
Keep the noise down or search for a house that's not attached to any others, something tells me you would be quieter without an audience.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): Hi there.
On the one hand, I have no experience having sex so far. Even though I am a virgin, I have a lot of experience thinking about sex. So your question is a fun one and going to offer my random advice in case you want it.
1. Try sex in the shower. Maybe the running water will cover up the sex sounds, plus you will be all clean afterward, plus having sex in the shower just sounds fun.
2. Make having quiet sex a fun thing. Like a contest. Like you try to be so so quiet like your parents are in the next room and you don't want to get busted. And whoever makes the least sound gets some kind of sexual reward. Which could lead to special efforts to make the other one make noise, but that could be fun too.
3. Try kissing the whole time you have sex. Not sure if that would work, but it sounds fun too.
4. If you want to make a soundproof sex room like other suggested, I looked up some stuff on Amazon for you. The idea of a sound proof sex room sort of got my imagination going. There are these 1 inch thick foam acoustic panels with wedged surfaces in 12 inch by 12 inch tiles with adhesive backing. The company is Burdurry. People use them to make sound proof recording studios. The all black ones are $43 for 50 tiles. You can spend more for different colors and you can make your own patterns on how you install them (like checkerboard or whatever). Even if you get all black and it is boring decoration, think of all the sound proof sex you could have. I think you would want to do floor to ceiling and maybe ceiling too, especially if you are loud like you say. It looks really easy.
Good luck!
Your friend, Calvin (alias)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): " I feel I must tone down my passion and enthusiasm not to disturb my neighbours".Well...duh.That's exactly what you have to do, at least until you can afford to rent or buy some form of individual housing unit ,-villa,cottage or whatever- where you can live without having other people close by. Frankly ,I am surprised that you seem reluctant to adopt this very simple ,easy solution - tune it way down and make sure that your sexual habits do not disturb your neighbours.So what if you like noisy sex better ? I'd like singing opera arias,very loud and out of tune too,it would be a lot of fun for me ! But I realize that I have no right at all to impose my idea of fun on other people who might have other preferences in term of entertainment. Your freedom to live your sex life the way you want only lasts until it clashes with your neighbours'right to peace, quiet and privacy in their own home
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): My husband and I had a couple right above us having sex loudly. It was unbearable. It's not about (just) the sex, it's (also) about the noise in general. They were very loud people to begin with. To make matters worse, the appartment they lived in was never meant to be an appartment, so the isolation between ours and theirs was practically non-existant.
We coould hear them talk if they talked a bit louder. So we knew some details from their lives they probably wouldn't have wanted us to know.
Just because you like doing something the way you do doesn't mean that it is ok. Would you do the same thing if your kids were sleeping in the next room? Would yu be ok if your first door neighbor started playing drums (badly) at all hours?
Noise is noise. Just because you "can't help it" doesn't make it ok.
If I were you I'd start looking for another place. You'll be more comfortable and more importantly, once the condo board gets involved maybe you won't have a choice. Noise is noise.
Owners don't like problematic tenants. If your appartment is that affordable, it means that the owner won't have a problem renting it to someone else.
If there's one thing I know, appartment living means compromise. People who are "victims" of noisy neighbors are very motivated to get rid of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): You have two options. Either tone it down as Honeypie suggested or move to another digs where the walls are not so thin. I am sure you can tone down the noise w/o losing any of the pleasure, you will have to tone it down when you have kids anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 May 2022):
 Just tone it down.
You can definitely still enjoy yourself without having to be loud. Being loud doesn't equate to being passionate.
Just try it. Do a "test-run" where you go at but with the "volume down".
Also, Is there another room that isn't sharing a wall with the neighbors? If so, move the sexy time. Or consider soundproofing on that wall you share. (you can get sound proofing wall foam at Walmart IIRC)
While I get that you should have the "freedom" to enjoy sex at whatever volume, you live in a place with thin walls and a bit of consideration goes a long way. No one else wants to hear your "passions".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): Sound proof your bedroom.
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