A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After almost two years, I met the family of the man I'm seeing-but it was nothing formal. I'm not sure if this means anything, but he has kept me under wraps before now. It's so hard to understand him sometimes. He's a nice man but I can never figure out his motives, his feelings or what he wants from me. I feel clueless. At my age-I know nothing! I'm trying though...I have feelings for this man but it seems the longer I know him, the less I understand him. He's become quieter, reserved. He took up smoking. And now this. I've tried talking to him but he avoids really talking to me seriously. My friend suggested a mid-life crisis but he's in his earlier thirties. I wonder, has anyone else experienced this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (15 November 2011):
Based on his age and your age, he may have kept you a secret from his family because he was worried about what his family would say about him dating someone so young. The age gap between you is not insurmountable, but it is not a trivial thing either. You admit that at your age you don't know that much, but you're trying. What you lack is experience in the dating world, something a man in his early 30's has presumably accumulated a lot of.Honestly, I don't find it a good sign that he's quiet, reserved and that he's started smoking. I view those as red flags, something is going on inside his head that he's not sharing with you. He's too young for a mid-life crisis, but he could be facing some sort of crisis. Maybe his career isn't taking off as he'd hoped.... or it could be that he ran into an ex of his that is happily married and doing well. Without hearing whatever it is directly from him we can only speculate.My advice is to look at the positives - he did finally introduce you to his family, that's a good thing. To me that means he views your relationship seriously. What you really need to do though, is to get him to open up and have that heart to heart chat he's been avoiding. If he won't communicate with you after two years of being together, then unfortunately the chances of this relationship lasting aren't very good.Best of luck!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2011):
I'm willing to wager that "...he has kept me (you) under wraps"... because his WIFE would object to him having a little "something" "one the side"....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Meeting a partners family is a big step, and one that means he thinks you are going somewhere. The fact that he didn't arrange a meeting before signals that he had his doubts, which he has now overcome. It is a good thing!
As for his worrying behaviour, you need to talk to him about it. None of us can speculate on what is going on...as we have no idea. There is clearly something major bothering him, whether it be a health scare, family problems, commitment issues etc etc, but the only way to be sure is to talk to him.
I wish you all the best!
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