A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi there, in advance i am thankful for any advice given to me. well the thing is, i went out with this guy for about 6months. then i was wiv another guy for 2years, but we broke up wen i had a miscaridge n had a mental breakdown.now i am back with the first guy, and we have started living tgether since he got kicked out n everythings been great. but slowly our relationshisp has been going downhill and we hardly do anything together anymore, we are growing apart.but even before we started growing apart ihad stayed in regular contact with my ex of 2 years. and we occasionaly meet up (secretly), and i have the best times with him.he has asked a few times where he stands in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship cause he doesn't want to be like a bit-on-the-side type of thing. but i don't know wot to do, i love my boyfriend, i really do, i even quit college for him an he quit the navy for me... but i just dont fel happy with him no more, and i feel i am still in love with my ex.i even think loads about growing old and starting a familly with my ex!and we talk about it loads.i just dont know what to do.i know my ex is in love with me a LOT more than my currant boyfriend, n its just gettin hard and confusing... espescially now my boyfriend is going out with his mates and we dont do anything together. what should i do :/any help or advice would be greatly apriciated. xx
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Unfortunately if communication with your bf is non-existent then it is time to face facts and start talking about what you both want out of life.
Don't continue to do the dirty on him without cutting the ties first. You are confusing yourself and it seems as though your ex is asking you outright for a proper relationship. If it was me I would say to your ex look I need to resolve my relationship with my bf right now and either cut my ties or make a go of it.
I think that the fact that your current bf basically healed you after your breakdown means that he deserves a certain level of respect and honesty. If the passion is not there and he is starting to spend more time with his mates then he is looking for something that is no longer in your relationship.
The ex you were with and had the miscarriage with is obviously someone you have a stronger connection with and I think the loss of your baby was something that always creates a huge divide between a couple and it is understandable that things went wrong after that happened. I had the same situation and I broke up with my now ex as we could not talk about it but eventually did and went on to have our daughter and continued our relationship for many years afterwards.
You cannot live a double life forever and I think it is time to know what YOU want out of life and make that decision and stick to it. Happiness is the most important thing in life but don't rush into having another child right away if you do get back with your ex. Make sure you are both settled and ready before you ad the aspect of a child as you are still very young and you need to enjoy life right now and see the world a little. Maybe save up and have a holiday together if you are going to get back with your ex.
Do the right thing first though and decide once and for all which guy you want to be with.
You will happier in the long run. Life is for living so enjoy it.
If you are still very confused then perhaps you need to talk to your doctor and ask about some counselling as I think there are possibly some issues surrounding the miscarriage that may not have been discussed so do think about that first of all.
Keep us posted OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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