A
male
age
51-59,
*brown
writes:I am wondering if anyone else is like me. I occasionally want the woman I am with, no matter who it is, to go out sometimes and get laid. I wouldn't want it to be an all the time thing. Say she goes out with chums and maybe has a little too much to drink and gets hit on and one thing leads to another...and well, she winds up having sex. I wouldn't be mad, I'd be curiously turned on. I don't want to see it or participate, but I would like to hear about it. The idea of her having a random encounter is sexy to me. I don't really know why this is, but it's a fact. This has happened before. Not with every woman, but with some. So is anyone out there kind of like me?? I've read about cuckolds and stags/vixens and other things. I don't really think I fall into those categories. Just wondering what others might have to say. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 July 2021):
 To me, it sounds messed up and selfish. But you are not me. I value fidelity. It takes effort to be faithful for most people. Which is what I expect in a relationship/marriage. Trust is another thing I value. Mutual Respect. If my husband suggested this (pre-marriage) I would NOT marry him. I would not respect him much either.
The thing is, everyone is different. This is why finding someone you mesh with on a LOT of different aspects is important.
I think a lot of women would feel cheap and disrespected if a partner (long-term partner) wanted them to cheat. So HE could get his thrills. Because let's face it, this isn't about HER at all. It's all about your fantasy, your fetish.
I don't think most long-term relationships with one partner cheating would work out in a healthy manner. Even if, the other partner is OK with it. At some point, one or the other would want monogamy. Would want stability especially if a family is desired.
These kinds of fetishes or games get old.
Trust is hard to maintain as-is. What happens when SHE meets someone and gets emotionally attached? Someone who wants her ALL to himself? Not share her? Is a better lover? Has more to offer than you? While YOU give her freedom (of sorts) it comes at a cost. Is that something you are willing to pay? And try and get another person to pay too? For YOUR sexual gratification?
If you want to hear about HER sexscapades, then maybe a more casual arrangement is better?
Unless you can find a woman who enjoys the same kind of fetish as you. Even then, what happens if she gets pregnant? And you/she aren't entirely sure who is the dad? Etc.
There are so many more CONS than PROS for this type of fantasy/fetish.
Lastly, most times reality does NOT live up to the fantasy. Then what? You fucked up something potentially good for you to get some "Penthouse Letters" kind of thrills.
I'd say be DAMNED sure that ANY partner knows you are into this and hoping SHE will want to participate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2021): BTW, we recently had similar questions along this same topic, but the gent happened to be a married-man. He asked the same question several times, but changed the wording. If you're not that gent...my apologies to you sir!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2021): This isn't really the kind of site that takes your kind of question; but you don't have to like my answer. If you dwell on an idea or a thought too long; it usually becomes an action. Just hoping you keep it a fantasy, and don't ruin your marriage; like so many who've written us after the fact, dear sir! It's usually the wife who writes us about what she's dealing with.
"No shortage of judgy people in the world, who really think they got it all figured out."
You came to a site that offers advice on relationships; and that's what you got!
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A
male
reader, ebrown +, writes (21 July 2021):
ebrown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour answer was appreciated, but not well thought out. It's like you didn't read the entirety of the question. It seems that you mainly wanted to judge something, which is your right to do, I suppose. No shortage of judgy people in the world, who really think they got it all figured out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2021): "I've read about cuckolds and stags/vixens and other things. I don't really think I fall into those categories."
If you know the definition of a cuckold, and your wife did all the things you're suggesting...oh yes you would, my dear sir! Don't be delusional.
When you marry somebody, you take vows. They were officiated by someone vested by law; and you exchanged your vows before God and witnesses. Did you include pimping-out your wife among those vows? Did she agree as one of the conditions of marriage that she'd get to go out and "get laid" by other men? If she agrees to this, you had best be concerned! Trust me, the idea is better than the reality!
I know we live in a world where anything goes; and people do things far beyond the imaginable. When you're married, sex is between you and your spouse. It's sacred and cherished. Then there's pornography! That material which feeds the perverse/alternative sexual-appetite for fetishes, promiscuity, adultery; and everything weird or nasty that you can do on the wild-side. Did you inform your wife back when you proposed, that she'd someday have to perform live sex-acts with other men while you watched? Do you think she still would have married you?
Give your wife a divorce, split all your assets and property. Then see if she'll be willing to share her intimate moments with other men? I'm willing to bet that's not what she signed-up for. If she does agree, it's only a matter of time before the right-guy comes along; and she ends-up divorcing you, and getting her half of it all anyway. I see no point in staying married. It would no longer be a marriage, it would be an "arrangement" catering to your sexual-entertainment.
If you go messing around with your marriage for the sake of kinks; you will find yourself divorced, and your wife finding herself a better man. Probably with a better sense and understanding of what marriage and monogamy is all about. Pornography is free on video! Watch that! Don't turn your wife into a sex-worker!
Man get a grip!!! On your life and mind! I didn't mean anything else!!! If you've got yourself a good-woman, maybe making this kind of proposition will alert her to what type of husband she's got; and what he's willing to sacrifice for the sake of getting his jollies.
I hope every following answer to your post will dissuade you from messing with your marriage in this way. She's the woman you want to grow old with. Why would you want to objectify her in such a way?
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