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Teacher student relationship gone bad

Tagged as: Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm a sophomore in high school this year, and I have a major problem. One day after school I had to make up a AP history test.(My AP teacher is young and good looking) I went to make up the test and I stayed in his room just talking about random things until 5 in the evening. I found out that we have so much in common, and even want the same things out of life! Needless to say, I started developing feelings for him. We continued to see each other almost every day after school (in his class room) for about 3 months. We talked about how we would be friends after I graduate and he hinted to a further relationship. In the next few months we became great friends. We had inside jokes, I helped him make the lesson plans, and much more. A few weeks ago, a rumor started that me and this teacher were in a sexual relationship (completely not true) and we both got called to the principle. We were questioned separately, and the thing turned into a huge mess. The principle threatened me with sending him to jail! The school board realized we weren't in a relationship and left us alone. When I went to go apologize he got extremely angry with me and told me it was all my fault and I didn't understand boundaries. He now won't even look at me or even talk to me normally. I'm extremely upset and don't know what to do! Should I discuss it more? or what?

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

He's the adult, not you. Sorry, hun, be he lead you on. Obviously he had some sort of inappropriate interest in you and he allowed it to get out of hand. He should have never allowed the conversations to go where they went and he shouldn't have let you stay and help with lesson plans etc. It's totally out of line.

He could go to jail if anything inappropriate happened. I believe you when you say nothing sexually happened, but they could have if the interaction continued and when you're young and naive, you don't realize what a bad situation it really is. Besides that, it's favoritism which is inappropriate as well.

I don't think you need to apologize for a thing. He shouldn't be upset with you, only himself. And maybe he is but he's putting the blame on you, which only shows even more how he's not in the appropriate line of work. Don't discuss it any further with him. If you want to discuss it with anyone, I strongly suggest you visit with one of your school's counselors.

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A male reader, shawncaff United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

shawncaff agony auntOK there are a few things about this that are very strange and which I do not understand:

1) Why did you go an apologize to him? Why was this your fault?

2) He is not talking to you?? Does this mean professionally or personally? In other words, he is your teacher: when you say he is not talking to you, does this mean he won't call on you in class or answer your questions??? If so, this is highly unprofessional!

3) He stayed late after school with you for three months and it took that long for people to notice? I am surprised it took that long. Staying late after school in a classroom with a student of the opposite sex is very inappropriate and everyone knows that--especially the teacher.

Maybe you can clarify this stuff?

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